Now that that's out of my system...

Do you ever wish you could eat your words?  But it becomes more like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube?  Well, my last post was something like that.  I'm a little taken back by my own negativity and self pity. But when life makes you look into the mirror, if there aren't instances that can make you humble, then you aren't looking at life through the eyes of reality.

I guess I could say that my life has been full of failures.  And quite frankly, I am very thankful for that.  I could let it/them freeze me into inactivity, but I continue to move forward, if only at a snail's pace.  I have learned every step along the way, and it keeps me vigilant, to a point, of continuing the struggle to stay positive.  It's kind of like a compass, where I am motivated to keep pointing in the direction of fulfillment.  I may have made a mistake by inviting my old gal, D, to read my blog.  I didn't want to embarass her or make her feel put out by the fruits of her and her husband's hard work.  And I certainly didn't want her to feel sorry for me.  She may even be mad at me.  And I could understand that.  No one should apologize for reaping the rewards of such long and tedious hours spent on building a business.  And certainly, no one should be surprised by the stumbles I have experienced.  Both are very common in this great country of ours.  I'm just sorry I admitted to doing a little self-comparison.  I know full well, that is not a very healthy thing to do.  I really am truly grateful, on their behalf to see this sytem work in this country.  D and her husband deserve all.  And I continue to be a cheerleader for their success.

The one thing I am a little more regretful about is not allowing the word of God to take control of my thoughts during this time of reflection.  It made me realize that I need to spend more time in the Word.  And study God's principles.  I will try to do this better.  I can't promise every day.  The intentions are there, but I know my history shows other failures to fulfill this wish.

Yes, things are up in the air for me.  And I am certainly at a crossroads.  It is very tempting to make drastic life changes, especially when you feel that certain elements have gotten you to where you are, and they won't go away or change unless you sttrike them from your life.  Certain things are just too precious to do that.

If anything, I need prayers.  And I need someone to physically lean on, to hold, to hug and hug back.  I pray that those in my life are those who I can rely on.

I will learn from this break down and move forward.  The tendencies may still be there, but the movement must be towards the truth and hope.