Everybody has to have a first

And here it is.
My first blog entry.  I have no idea where this is going to lead me or what will become of these prose.
Isn't that what you're supposed to say for your first blog attempt?

You may find me sputtering about a grandiose self image, trying to build myself up (unimpressing most readers...if any), arguing the validity of my thoughts, and stretching the boundaries of psychological health.

What scares me most about this, honestly, is the possible discovery that I am, in fact, a wimp.  That the whiny nature of my genes will permeate these entries and cause you to lose faith.  And that I, myself, will lose faith.

But this is an attempt at documenting my life, my thoughts, my whiny ancestral nature (you've gotta blame somebody!)  (see, I started already!), my faith, beliefs, facts, experiences, wishes, desires and disappointments.

I struggle in my faith in God and Jesus Christ, although I rest on having given a commitment.  Going from a faith on fire to a cold rock, dropped in a bottomless lake with seemingly no chance of recovery.  I doubt the strength of my inner fidelity, although, thankfully, nothing has manifested itself in actions of infidelity.  I love my wife from the bottom of my heart.  I owe her more than I can explain.  Something I will probably write about as the days progress.  I am proud of my kids, but their actions and lifestyles often make me question what I did or how I performed as a parent.  Often it is with pride and deep satisfaction.  And sometimes it is with hurts and disappointments.  Not so much in them, but in myself.

I am incredibly introspective, as I assume most bloggers would be.  And there are times, when the "O'Brien" comes out of me and I get incredibly accusational.  Cutting words and accusations for those around me seem to be a generational curse, possibly a learned response in dealing with life's difficulties.  I can anger easily when tipped on my emotional response side of the dice.

And all the while, I also am known to be a positive person.  When I am called this, it surprises me.  And I am left to think, "How did you get fooled?"  But then again, every now and then, I can find a positive gem to extract from life.  I studied positive thinking and read many books.  Its a shame I have to work at being a positive person, with a positive outlook.

I am mesmerized by intellectuals.  And occasionally (ONLY OCCASIONALLY) can I keep up with them verbally.  I am often surprised to be able to keep up mentally, through active listening and introspection.  My vocabulary is more limited than I would like.  But I assume that it is because I don't exercise my brain by reading as often as I should.

Speaking about exercising, I am way over weight and tip the scales close to 325.  How the heck did I let myself get there???   I have to admit I haven't weighed myself for a few months, and am frankly afraid to do that.  Perhaps you will witness my physical transformation.  I can only hope and pray...and change...

Well here goes...(press *publish post*)...*GULP*