When my dad told me he wasn't able to come over for a cookout on Father's Day because he had already committed to going over to my step-sister's, I blew a cork! And that's putting it mildly!
There was something in his response to me that simply set me off. I don't think I have ever gotten so angry (and hurt) in my life.
My response the next day was bad. I mean REALLY bad. Its as if I were a 15 year old all over again. I was angry with him, my step mom, and my step -sister. The only person not in the way of my wrath was my step mom.
After I've cooled down, I realized there was probably a lot of pent up frustrations in there that hadn't been dealt with. Coupled with being frustrated for being out of work and not able to work due to my knee injury and recovery from ACL surgery, feeling useless, worthless, and not very spiritually minded or Christ-centered, I just unloaded a lot of bad stuff.
Right now, I know I had scathing words for my dad, words I've never used, and certainly wouldn't use towards him. What causes us to be an ass sometimes? I know I was/am guilty.
I know that time heals many wounds, but I said some really bad things, to the point he may not forgive me. I, a 52 year old man, am saying this about my 79 yr old father. I hope there is time enough to mend this relationship. Even though many of the things I said were true, and even though he believes I was making things up (I wasn't, as my wife will attest), and even tho I believe he needed to hear some truths...I wonder. Did he really NEED to hear them? At this age? With his relatively new wife? Why couldn't I just let it lie?
BAM! The gloves simply came off. Old wounds, scars ripped open, salt being poured into every crevice. It was painful. I am sure on both sides.
Dad, I am sorry. I know you are heading up to NJ for your grand kids graduation. I hope that you remain safe and that we can talk things out when you get back.
Now if I could only muster the courage to talk to him in person or send him an email that would be apologetic, but neutral. I'll have to pray on this.
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