Yes, it has been a while since I last posted on this blog, and boy, have things been...well, let's just say, they've been interesting.
A few updates since the last post...
When I look to get things back to normal, my usual reaction is to look in the past and see what I have done that brought me some sort of stability. I can't say that this past year has been that stable. My painting business, while I hired a former worker, Datonie, it actually shrunk, with my concentrating on doing work for only 4-5 people this past year. While they were rather large contracts, and kept me busy, the phone just wasn't that busy. And while I laxed off, enjoying the latitude of having a few loyal customers, there just wasn't any winter work. And brother, did that hurt financially!
It looks like we are back to zero, and have to work our way back into the black. I often wonder what will happen for our retirement, and quite frankly, it scares me. All our money is tied up into non-productive real estate. We will have to find a way to be more liquid, if you will.
With that in mind, I joined an organization that will hopefully prove to be profitable. Many years ago, we were fairly successful in the Amway business, and enjoyed a residual income for a few years as a result of my first 90 days in business, back then. While I enjoyed the tapes, books, and functions, I really got to the point of not believing in myself to recruit or sponsor people personally. While I totally believe in the products, and really enjoy using them (they work!), the tough thing was to actually get started back in the business of recruiting. t just wasn't in me to do that. While we did get back and sign back up, we only did that to use the products and have them available to us personally. We signed back up with the couple that had a great influence on us as a young couple, back in the 70's, Bob and Angie Dix. They are not part of the Britt system, and are more interested in developing a solid customer-product driven base. I actually must say, while we love Bob and Angie, I am somewhat angered by our former line of sponsorship. I wish we could have been renewed under that line, because we had a fairly active and sizeable group there. Unfortunately, we moved right before our renewal date combined with an expiring credit card, and forgot to notify Amway about our move (amongst the chaos of trying to help an ailing mother-in-law while moving in with her). When I finally figured out that we needed some products, I noticed that we were not renewed. And in trying to renew, I found out that I needed to get exception from our sponsor, the Executive Diamond, Dave Taylor. The compounding problem was that Dave and his wife, Lorna, split, and Dave's whereabouts were tough to get a hold of. When I finally found him (Amway wouldn't give us his contact information due to privacy issues, even though he was our upline and Platinum level). We had no way of contacting him. It was very frustrating for months.
Finally, I got a hold of him and he asked that I send him a letter, to ask to be renewed with our group. So I complied. I sent him and Amway a letter, and NEVER heard from him again. So, we lost our group. It is very frustrating, as we had developed a good group. And apparently, if you decide to take a hiatus, you are not forgiven by the Britt system, and they steal your group from you. Of course, these are words of anger and bitterness. But I feel justified in feeling that way. Although I am angered by this, I must move on.
So, a guy I knew of at church calls me to ask me if I'd like to see what he is involved with. It sounded a lot like the Amway phone call. Even in spite of that, this was a guy who I really liked and admired from afar. To be honest, it didn't matter if he was asking me to shovel horse manure, I would have done it with him, because he seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn't steer me wrong. plus, he was a successful salesman, and a motivational speaker. And I thought I'd like to collaborate with him on the public speaking issues. So, I agreed to have him over.
He and his son in law show up and show me a business that, honestly, looked very confusing. I wasn't impressed with their presentation, and what they were offering wasn't very clear, at all. Even though it was confusing, I agreed to borrow some cd's and a book, and delved into what they were doing.
What I can reduce this to is that they were simply asking me to join a community of other like minded individuals who promote motivational, and self-help cd's, books and functions. Very much like what I enjoyed the most about the Amway business. The positive messages, the right books and the association with other people. And this is simply what they were offering. Frankly, at this point of my life, I needed some positive influence and wasn't too pleased with the turn my thinking and attitude had taken. I needed some positive influence, and wasn't sure how to get it other than church activities. And I needed it in almost all parts of my life.
So I eagerly agreed to join and looked forward to helping to build the community, under the Team concept (more about that later). well, that was back in November, and I must say, the influence of these cd's and books have been what I needed. And they got me back on the right track. But then, my depression kicked in and put a halt to my activities while I got it under control. The cd's and books really help in handling my tendencies towards depression, and only hope that these tools will help me stay on top of the funk.
Got lots more to share, but I have to get back to work.
Later.
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UPDATED:
Now, it is a little later, and I need to give you the name of that business. It is called the Life Business. And quite frankly, I feel very optimistic about it. While the approach has a little to be desired, it is a MLM of sorts. But, I am frankly very impressed with the quality of the products that we offer. Quality information on cd's, great books, with good information in them, and I even get paid to go to seminars! Can't get much better than that!
www.the-team.biz/39953189
It turns out that the founders of the Life Business where hugely successful in the Amway business, and as systems engineers, understood the nuances of business and of motivation. They designed this business as a result of their highly intellectual engineering designs and systems, and have produced, in my mind, a winner here.
I have been very, very skeptical of other MLMs, and have avoided them at most costs. I do have to say that the quality of the teachings and the quality of information I their systems is solid and well grounded. I will probably be talking about them in more depth later on.
The next post will hopefully expand upon the mother changes in my life where I feel like my life is being shaped by a bucket list.
To be continued...www.the-team.biz/39953189
Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
First post - 2012- It's a new day!
It's a new day. A lot has happened since my last post, and much of which I'd prefer not to rehash or go over again. Let's just say that it would be practical to lean towards pessimism with all that has transpired.
But this is a new day! Several days/weeks ago, I decided that I will face each day with a renewed outlook. I will put my feet on the floor and thank the Lord, God Almighty for the new opportunity to share this day with him and with others. I must be positive! It is a matter of life that I approach each day with a renewed thinking towards what is possible and what CAN be done.
It is a new day. And yet, I take solitude in that my old profession is what God has wired me for. I thank Him for the innate ability and talent to do a good job in my trade. Sure there are many things I can not do. But I will not concentrate on what I can NOT do, but on what I CAN do and do well.
It is a new day. And I need to find biblical verses that support the above resolve. I know they are there, I just don't know what specific verses apply. But I will find them and post them. If any reader can respond for me, I'd appreciate it. It will do two things...alleviate the time commitment it would take to find them, and...tell me that someone is actually reading my blog! Any way, I thank God because...
It's a new day!
But this is a new day! Several days/weeks ago, I decided that I will face each day with a renewed outlook. I will put my feet on the floor and thank the Lord, God Almighty for the new opportunity to share this day with him and with others. I must be positive! It is a matter of life that I approach each day with a renewed thinking towards what is possible and what CAN be done.
It is a new day. And yet, I take solitude in that my old profession is what God has wired me for. I thank Him for the innate ability and talent to do a good job in my trade. Sure there are many things I can not do. But I will not concentrate on what I can NOT do, but on what I CAN do and do well.
It is a new day. And I need to find biblical verses that support the above resolve. I know they are there, I just don't know what specific verses apply. But I will find them and post them. If any reader can respond for me, I'd appreciate it. It will do two things...alleviate the time commitment it would take to find them, and...tell me that someone is actually reading my blog! Any way, I thank God because...
It's a new day!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The clown in the home improvement suit - the MHIC as a farce to be reckoned with
A few people know my story. It is one of opportunity and an example of the America spirit. But at the same time, it is tragic how idiotic lawmakers and well-intentioned bureaucrats have made it more difficult for someone to compete and stay in business. I am specifically citing the Maryland State regulations pertaining to Home Improvement businesses as being the culprit that makes it more difficult to remain afloat in this economic environment.
Admittedly, I started out as an unlicensed contractor, ignorant to the regulations that existed in the state. I started painting houses after being financially wiped out when a partner, in an insurance business, walked off with all our corporate cash. Needing to feed my family of three young children plus a wife, I reverted to a skill I had developed in putting myself through college in the late 70's. Fortunately, a good friend of mine got me started as a handyman at his estate. Working out of my family Ford Tempo (sedan), I started passing out business cards to family, friends and paint stores. The first contract I got was an old Victorian in Lutherville. The job came with a huge financial loss and a letter from the Home Improvement Commission warning me to become licensed, or I was subject to a $10,000 fine and/or a year in jail. Needless to say, this surprised me. I hustled to get my license before I did any more marketing of my new painting business.
I remember the day I was notified that I had obtained my license. When I opened the door to our house, after a long day at work, my wife had strung a banner across the arch to our dining room that read, "Congratulations, #46541!" It really was a momentous occasion at our house!
For purposes of understanding, allow me to explain the breakdown of MHIC licenses that are available:
Sales License - allowed to negotiate the contract and collect a deposit, but not allowed to perform any work. Usually works for a General Contractor license holder
Sub-contractor's license - allowed to do the work, based on reported trade competency, but not allowed to negotiate a contract or handle money from the customer. Usually works for a General Contractor license holder
General Contractors license - allowed to negotiate a contract directly with the consumer, handle deposits or payments from the consumer and do the work. May also hire either or both a Sales and Sub-contractor license holder. I held a GC License for years.
In order to be licensed, I had to study a state manual on business principles and state regulations. I had to pass an open book test, provide proof of financial viability, knowledge of my industry through references and obtain liability insurance. I had to provide the home improvement commission with certificates of insurance, proof that I was continually covered, plus workers compensation if I had hired just one person. It is the law, the regulation to be entitled to be in (a legitimate) business. And so I abided for years.
I eventually joined my trade association (the PDCA) in an effort to become more professional in my business. The more I learned about the painting business, the more I learned what I didn't know. And the more I learned about proper pricing, customer and employee relations, and quality of service. I tried to put all these things in place, but learned it had to be done a piece at a time. I hired consultants, but learned that I could only implement what I was competent in. And found many things I wasn't competent in.
As I would market, and do estimates, on my follow ups, I found many of my competing contractors were unlicensed ones. Somehow, many of the people I gave estimates to would give me information on what I was competing with. Perhaps, this just became a sticking point with me. For approximately a year, I spent time as a sales person for two of the larger paint companies. I had access to their customer base. In both instances, I did a personal study of the list of contractor customers of the paint companies and compared them to the list of licensed contractors in the Maryland Home Improvement Commission (MHIC) online data base. What was discovered was that 2/3rds the customer base of both credit and cash accounts were not licensed through the MHIC. This became an appalling statistic. And I began to ask why so many were undetected. After all, somebody had to have turned me in at an early stage of my business. Why hadn't these long standing businesses been called out also?
Over the last several years, when asked, the MHIC would say that is the job of the market, the licensed contractor community and the general public, to police the unlicensed contractors. They said they didn't have the resources and personnel to police the marketplace. They were too busy handling complaints between customers and contractors. In addition, they said unlicensed contractors did not pose a significant problem to the public. They cited their own statistic on that. By chance, I had the opportunity to meet a person who worked in the executive offices of the MHIC through a mutual friend. This person told me that they have thousands of complaints against licensed contractors and relatively only a few dozen against unlicensed ones. Their in house information did not justify policing licensing status in the marketplace.
It wasn't until many years later, I found out why there may be more complaints against licensed contractors versus unlicensed ones.
Here are some issues that exist with the MHIC for legitimate contractors:
In conclusion, in the state of Maryland, if I want to maximize my profits in order to grow, it is better for me to fly UNDER the radar by not being licensed than to be licensed. But I can not grow as an unlicensed contractor because I then start flying into the radar. It starts looking better to be a small contractor, with personal connections and no license. I can not, however, succumb to that temptation because of my high visibility in this industry. I couldn't help but think that some bureaucrat would want to make an example of me. So, it is better to go out of business than to start up operations again and create new jobs. Regulations are strangling opportunities to develop my business and grow new jobs.
What should the legislature do?
Admittedly, I started out as an unlicensed contractor, ignorant to the regulations that existed in the state. I started painting houses after being financially wiped out when a partner, in an insurance business, walked off with all our corporate cash. Needing to feed my family of three young children plus a wife, I reverted to a skill I had developed in putting myself through college in the late 70's. Fortunately, a good friend of mine got me started as a handyman at his estate. Working out of my family Ford Tempo (sedan), I started passing out business cards to family, friends and paint stores. The first contract I got was an old Victorian in Lutherville. The job came with a huge financial loss and a letter from the Home Improvement Commission warning me to become licensed, or I was subject to a $10,000 fine and/or a year in jail. Needless to say, this surprised me. I hustled to get my license before I did any more marketing of my new painting business.
I remember the day I was notified that I had obtained my license. When I opened the door to our house, after a long day at work, my wife had strung a banner across the arch to our dining room that read, "Congratulations, #46541!" It really was a momentous occasion at our house!
For purposes of understanding, allow me to explain the breakdown of MHIC licenses that are available:
Sales License - allowed to negotiate the contract and collect a deposit, but not allowed to perform any work. Usually works for a General Contractor license holder
Sub-contractor's license - allowed to do the work, based on reported trade competency, but not allowed to negotiate a contract or handle money from the customer. Usually works for a General Contractor license holder
General Contractors license - allowed to negotiate a contract directly with the consumer, handle deposits or payments from the consumer and do the work. May also hire either or both a Sales and Sub-contractor license holder. I held a GC License for years.
In order to be licensed, I had to study a state manual on business principles and state regulations. I had to pass an open book test, provide proof of financial viability, knowledge of my industry through references and obtain liability insurance. I had to provide the home improvement commission with certificates of insurance, proof that I was continually covered, plus workers compensation if I had hired just one person. It is the law, the regulation to be entitled to be in (a legitimate) business. And so I abided for years.
I eventually joined my trade association (the PDCA) in an effort to become more professional in my business. The more I learned about the painting business, the more I learned what I didn't know. And the more I learned about proper pricing, customer and employee relations, and quality of service. I tried to put all these things in place, but learned it had to be done a piece at a time. I hired consultants, but learned that I could only implement what I was competent in. And found many things I wasn't competent in.
As I would market, and do estimates, on my follow ups, I found many of my competing contractors were unlicensed ones. Somehow, many of the people I gave estimates to would give me information on what I was competing with. Perhaps, this just became a sticking point with me. For approximately a year, I spent time as a sales person for two of the larger paint companies. I had access to their customer base. In both instances, I did a personal study of the list of contractor customers of the paint companies and compared them to the list of licensed contractors in the Maryland Home Improvement Commission (MHIC) online data base. What was discovered was that 2/3rds the customer base of both credit and cash accounts were not licensed through the MHIC. This became an appalling statistic. And I began to ask why so many were undetected. After all, somebody had to have turned me in at an early stage of my business. Why hadn't these long standing businesses been called out also?
Over the last several years, when asked, the MHIC would say that is the job of the market, the licensed contractor community and the general public, to police the unlicensed contractors. They said they didn't have the resources and personnel to police the marketplace. They were too busy handling complaints between customers and contractors. In addition, they said unlicensed contractors did not pose a significant problem to the public. They cited their own statistic on that. By chance, I had the opportunity to meet a person who worked in the executive offices of the MHIC through a mutual friend. This person told me that they have thousands of complaints against licensed contractors and relatively only a few dozen against unlicensed ones. Their in house information did not justify policing licensing status in the marketplace.
It wasn't until many years later, I found out why there may be more complaints against licensed contractors versus unlicensed ones.
Here are some issues that exist with the MHIC for legitimate contractors:
- MHIC rules promote extortion. As in my case, I had a customer who found another cheaper contractor to do their work after I had already started the job with a significant deposit ($3000 against a $9000 job), received as allowed by MHIC regulations. Coupled with delays due to weather and having to postpone at a very inopportune time of the repair process, the customer got justifiably concerned over the progress of the job (as I was due to the unforeseen delays...I had guys who wanted to work). This customer threatened to take me to the MHIC if I did not return all of the deposit money and cancel the contract. We had completed over half the job and had run up approx $5000 in billable work at that point. But they still demanded that I return their deposit, and they turned me in, with a complaint to the MHIC. Yes, I had everything documented as to our progress including pictures, but I didn't want the blemish to appear on my then perfect MHIC record. So, I agreed to a $1000 payoff for the customer to drop their complaint. The customer basically blackmailed me and extorted funds from me. In short summary, the MHIC regulations allow unruly and unethical consumers the opportunity to extort funds from legitimate contractors.
- MHIC identifies and promotes opportunities for retaliation. In the past, before I was licensed, a person could turn in an unlicensed contractor and remain anonymous. Today, the name of the accuser or originator of the complaint must accompany the formal complaint. Who, in their right mind, as a permanently documented and visible person, wants to report someone who may or may not be of criminal mentality while they are still free and loose in society? That's not to say that all unlicensed contractors have criminal mentality, but that's like saying not all the chambers have bullets in them, so it would be OK to pull the trigger. This policy is ill-advised. Complaints or reports about unlicensed contractors should always carry anonymity.
- MHIC relies on other people to do their jobs. The MHIC now openly admits to rely on licensed contractors to turn in unlicensed ones. How foolish is this policy? Do I want my tires slashed in retaliation to turning in an unlicensed contractor? Or would it be better for me to just tend to the difficulties of business instead of wasting my valuable time in filling out complaint forms? (Instead, am I wasting my time blogging about it?) And remain vulnerable to retaliations? Suppose we are in a war, and the sonar room was setup at headquarters. It would be as if the battleships were told to be on the lookout for enemy submarines. And HQ's requirement is: "Just let us know, and we'll take care of making sure the enemy is fired upon. We're too busy cleaning our instruments, and we had to hire too many people to do THAT, we can't look in the water for you!"
- MHIC rules are inequitable. The MHIC regulations pertain to doing any kind of work on a residence. It does not pertain to commercial or industrial work. So, the MHIC rules pertain to businesses like mine that centered around working on residential buildings. Even though it is a fact that many commercial and industrial contractors are privately asked to perform work at the homes and residences of their commercial and industrial customers, they do so without an MHIC license and abiding by it's stipulations. However, because I am required to have an MHIC license, with resulting quality requirements, my per man hour and production costs start out higher and can not compete in the commercial or industrial market. But they can compete in the residential market, price wise (perhaps not quality wise). Selective application of the MHIC licensing is another inept, unfair and unjust policy.
- The MHIC does a horrible job at properly educating the public. Many unlicensed contractors know that the state will not police their businesses for proper MHIC licensing. But will police for business licenses. So, many contractors will say that they are "licensed" when in fact, they only hold a business license and NOT an MHIC license, which is additionally required. If a customer asks, "are you licensed?" The contractor, meaning he holds a business license, will say, "Yes." The consumer does not know enough to ask if they hold an MHIC license, for the most part. Since there are no reciprocal arrangements between licensing agencies in the state of Maryland, no checking is done to ensure that contracting companies hold the proper licensing requirements. And consumers are not aware of the differences between a simple business license and an MHIC one.
- The MHIC license does not always equate to quality work. There are many unlicensed painting contractors out there who provide high quality work and high caliber service. They may be upstanding, good people. But the fact remains that they are still unlicensed and thereby operating illegally. The MHIC test does not test for competency in the trade. Although the application asks for 2 years of experience in the trade, it is supposed to be verified by employment records. And as a license holder, I am "regulator-ily" qualified to offer any new Home Improvement service to the consumer, regardless of my competency in that service or product. Much of the public does not care about proper licensing, either. They may, in fact, actually hire unlicensed contractors because they want a cheaper price, or they know the person by reputation, or by referral. The public does not always care about whether a small contractor is licensed or not. They usually care about quality of character. There is no requirement for the consumer to hire a licensed contractor either.
- An MHIC license does not assure an up to date, educated contractor. There are no ongoing requirements to become proficient in my trade or business once I obtain an MHIC license. All I have to do is maintain credit worthiness and pay my license renewal fee (tax) every other year. There are no continuing educational issues like being informed on update legislative issues as laws change, or ethics requirements, or proficiency of trade tests. There are no ongoing courses on business management requirements, on updating knowledge of accounting principles, or environmental issues (although the Federal EPA is now requiring separate requirements on these issues). Of course requiring these updates of any licensee would only widen the divide between the legitimate contractor versus the black market contractor. One would have to seriously consider "going underground." based on costs and profits alone.
- There's no protection for improper referrals. Many of my Realtor friends have cards from unlicensed contractors in their portfolios. My question is why are these (Maryland licensed) entities allowed to promote and refer unlicensed, illegal entities? I understand the ramifications of liability associated with referring out bad contractors, but why isn't there a universal application of licensing regulations applied to referrals. Why does one licensed entity get to refer an unlicensed entity, when there is a requirement for that entity to be licensed? Shouldn't there be a requirement that if you were a licensed entity in the state of Maryland, then you would be required to promote and protect the licensing requirements throughout the state as it applies to all businesses? Shouldn't it be just as illegal for licensed entities to refer unlicensed entities, as it is for unlicensed entities to exist? Aren't the licensed entities promoting illegal behavior through referring and promoting unlicensed contractors? I say, if you are going to have licensing of contractors at all, then the same penalties should apply to those who promote these illegal operations.
In conclusion, in the state of Maryland, if I want to maximize my profits in order to grow, it is better for me to fly UNDER the radar by not being licensed than to be licensed. But I can not grow as an unlicensed contractor because I then start flying into the radar. It starts looking better to be a small contractor, with personal connections and no license. I can not, however, succumb to that temptation because of my high visibility in this industry. I couldn't help but think that some bureaucrat would want to make an example of me. So, it is better to go out of business than to start up operations again and create new jobs. Regulations are strangling opportunities to develop my business and grow new jobs.
What should the legislature do?
- Expand the MHIC regulations to more businesses? As a Republican, I abhor this as more bureaucratic costs. Although it would bring in more money to the coffers of the state, this simply increases costs more to an ever shrinking till for each business.
- Remove the regulations altogether? Now, I like THAT idea! But in our ever liberal lawmakers' twisted mentality, that will never happen...to remove protection of the consumer.
- Perhaps a better defined regulation should be enacted. Perhaps applying MHIC type licensing to contracts only over a certain size (like $1500), or to contractors who have a total of 5/10/15 or more employees or subcontractors. This would allow the guy who is simply out of work to work for his generous neighbors to help him out. This would allow the little guy some relief of regulations and expenses associated with running his/her business. The market will take care of those who fail the test of business ownership. And membership in and participation in trade association educational functions can ensure a better qualified contractor for the public to choose from.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
1-1-11
It's a new year, and as I was looking over this blog, I can't believe I didn't enter anything in during the whole month of December. Alot has happened and I need to get on with things.
Last night was not a good sleeping night. Both Wendy and I were on the threshhold of a cold or something and we decided to "try" to get to bed early. But these darned colds and illnesses have their way of affecting us at just the wrong times. Emily came home early (surprising us on Christmas Eve!) and was out last night. She called at 3:20am to tell us she decidied to stay in Westminster for the night, rather than come home, then off to Thurmont the next day (today). I was relieve she made the wise decision to stay up there. I think part of my tossing and turning was partly due to worrying about her safety on NY eve. (A father's summer solstice is spent worrying about his family) Fortunately, I was up and struggling to shut my eyes, so answering the phone was only an invitation to play solitaire until 6:45am. I don't usually have insomnia, but coupled with a cold, it's not too pleasant. I'm just thankful I don't have anything I HAVE to tend to this weekend.
Just the same, numerous thoughts raced through my mind as I lay in the dark, trying to rest.
#1 - I gotta get a job. For some reason, this thought kept me tossing and turning, and for the life of me, I don't know why this hadn't happened sooner. I know the goal I was working on was to finish my Associates Degree in Cooking and Baking at Baltimore International College (BIC). I knew that I couldn't and didn't want to work in a restaurant kitchen, particularly as short order cook. The last class I took (A la carte) ruined my appetitie for this work. Perhaps it was the horrible "instructors" we had for this class. But I grew a disdain for working in those types of environments. I experienced what "the weeds" are. And with my first three days on the hot line being a catastrophe, I say "No thank you." But I also think if I had been properly prepared and instructed. I spent most of my time doing administrative things during my assigned 2.5 weeks in the kitchen. I actually only spent three days there and missed whatever instruction the chef gave to the class, mainly due to the projects he had me on. Frankly, I felt this was unfair, but I appreciated excelling in the administrative area of running a restaurant, more than the hot line. The good side is that this administrative project he had me on may result in a business opportunity for me to provide HACCP plans for reataurants and food establishments. The pay is so much better than working at the stove or prep station. And at this point in my life, I don't know if I could survive doing grunt work anyway. I've been there, done that. It's not that I want to jump to the "top" so soon (like my father always accuses me of), it's that my mind doesn't work in coordination with my body to do those things efficiently or effectively. It was that kind of way in my painting business. I had gotten out of or lost the ability or drive to do good, clean work. Instead, I thought about planning and implementation of work systems and projects and marketing and managing other people to do the good, clean work.. If this is true for other people in my situation (redesigning themselves during their 50's), then falling back on a trade or working with my hands is becoming less of an option. I used to live by an addage that "if it's gonna be, then it's up to me." But that assumes that, at least, I can put my nose to the gringstone and work a physical job. I'm going to have to rediscover my God given abilities (for which I tend to sell myself so short for).
My option for work are thus:
1 - go back into the painting business
2 - get a job through my contacts and training at BIC in the culinary field, in a kitchen (even if its a dishwashing job)
3 - develop more of the consulting aspect in the food business, doing HACCP plans, working with another student and one of the chef instructors
4 - go back into the real estate business (which is what I enjoyed more than anything else) as a Realtor
5 - go back into the insurance business (AFLAC is calling)
6 - wait everything out and see where my current volunteer positions take me (President of the community association; Treasurer for Tom Morgan's campaign; Treasurer for the Baltimore County Republican Central Committee; Treasurer for the Reagan Republican Club; current nominee, and assumed heir as President of the Reagn Republican Club); or use these contacts as a springboard for a new career.
When I put it all down on "paper", my options seem like a real mess with no set direction or common element. I'll have to pursue the thought on these options more thoroughly.
When it come right down to it, my father-in-law was right when he spoke to me on his death bed. DECIDE what you want to do then STICK with it. (He added...just take care of Babs and Wendy for me...). That was why I stuck with the painting business so long. His words and my agreement kept coming back to me. If it weren't for that damned Siegner strongly suggesting that I get out of the painting business... (there's another guy who I fully respect).
More thoughts later...
Last night was not a good sleeping night. Both Wendy and I were on the threshhold of a cold or something and we decided to "try" to get to bed early. But these darned colds and illnesses have their way of affecting us at just the wrong times. Emily came home early (surprising us on Christmas Eve!) and was out last night. She called at 3:20am to tell us she decidied to stay in Westminster for the night, rather than come home, then off to Thurmont the next day (today). I was relieve she made the wise decision to stay up there. I think part of my tossing and turning was partly due to worrying about her safety on NY eve. (A father's summer solstice is spent worrying about his family) Fortunately, I was up and struggling to shut my eyes, so answering the phone was only an invitation to play solitaire until 6:45am. I don't usually have insomnia, but coupled with a cold, it's not too pleasant. I'm just thankful I don't have anything I HAVE to tend to this weekend.
Just the same, numerous thoughts raced through my mind as I lay in the dark, trying to rest.
#1 - I gotta get a job. For some reason, this thought kept me tossing and turning, and for the life of me, I don't know why this hadn't happened sooner. I know the goal I was working on was to finish my Associates Degree in Cooking and Baking at Baltimore International College (BIC). I knew that I couldn't and didn't want to work in a restaurant kitchen, particularly as short order cook. The last class I took (A la carte) ruined my appetitie for this work. Perhaps it was the horrible "instructors" we had for this class. But I grew a disdain for working in those types of environments. I experienced what "the weeds" are. And with my first three days on the hot line being a catastrophe, I say "No thank you." But I also think if I had been properly prepared and instructed. I spent most of my time doing administrative things during my assigned 2.5 weeks in the kitchen. I actually only spent three days there and missed whatever instruction the chef gave to the class, mainly due to the projects he had me on. Frankly, I felt this was unfair, but I appreciated excelling in the administrative area of running a restaurant, more than the hot line. The good side is that this administrative project he had me on may result in a business opportunity for me to provide HACCP plans for reataurants and food establishments. The pay is so much better than working at the stove or prep station. And at this point in my life, I don't know if I could survive doing grunt work anyway. I've been there, done that. It's not that I want to jump to the "top" so soon (like my father always accuses me of), it's that my mind doesn't work in coordination with my body to do those things efficiently or effectively. It was that kind of way in my painting business. I had gotten out of or lost the ability or drive to do good, clean work. Instead, I thought about planning and implementation of work systems and projects and marketing and managing other people to do the good, clean work.. If this is true for other people in my situation (redesigning themselves during their 50's), then falling back on a trade or working with my hands is becoming less of an option. I used to live by an addage that "if it's gonna be, then it's up to me." But that assumes that, at least, I can put my nose to the gringstone and work a physical job. I'm going to have to rediscover my God given abilities (for which I tend to sell myself so short for).
My option for work are thus:
1 - go back into the painting business
2 - get a job through my contacts and training at BIC in the culinary field, in a kitchen (even if its a dishwashing job)
3 - develop more of the consulting aspect in the food business, doing HACCP plans, working with another student and one of the chef instructors
4 - go back into the real estate business (which is what I enjoyed more than anything else) as a Realtor
5 - go back into the insurance business (AFLAC is calling)
6 - wait everything out and see where my current volunteer positions take me (President of the community association; Treasurer for Tom Morgan's campaign; Treasurer for the Baltimore County Republican Central Committee; Treasurer for the Reagan Republican Club; current nominee, and assumed heir as President of the Reagn Republican Club); or use these contacts as a springboard for a new career.
When I put it all down on "paper", my options seem like a real mess with no set direction or common element. I'll have to pursue the thought on these options more thoroughly.
When it come right down to it, my father-in-law was right when he spoke to me on his death bed. DECIDE what you want to do then STICK with it. (He added...just take care of Babs and Wendy for me...). That was why I stuck with the painting business so long. His words and my agreement kept coming back to me. If it weren't for that damned Siegner strongly suggesting that I get out of the painting business... (there's another guy who I fully respect).
More thoughts later...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It gets messy in the middle
My thoughts on the recent messy issues surrounding the Baltimore County Republican Central Committee and its Chairman:
As a former contractor, we used to have a saying when preparing customers for an extended project: "It gets messy in the middle..."
In most instances, when something has to be rebuilt, the rebuilding process is not necessarily pretty. But the end result is worth the aggravation. Being a long term thinker, rather than living by knee jerk reactions, helps to keep sanity afloat during an arduous time of rebuilding.
Although many people are/were appalled by the issues that arose during the first few weeks of this new political season, my personal opinion is that I am glad to go through it now rather than later. This gives us a chance to identify deficiencies and repair or replace them. If the party and the committee keeps looking forward, all this will eventually be thought of as helpful and useful for moving the party forward.
Embrace the conflict. Learn from it and let's make corrections. Those who continually meander through the deficiencies will only get lost in failure. But by using these times as stepping stones, we can build to new heights. Yes, I know this sounds good. But there is truth here. What we need is vision...a goal...a mission; to keep us focused and moving towards making Maryland a strong state and our communities a safe and healthy and more prosperous place to live.
As a former contractor, we used to have a saying when preparing customers for an extended project: "It gets messy in the middle..."
In most instances, when something has to be rebuilt, the rebuilding process is not necessarily pretty. But the end result is worth the aggravation. Being a long term thinker, rather than living by knee jerk reactions, helps to keep sanity afloat during an arduous time of rebuilding.
Although many people are/were appalled by the issues that arose during the first few weeks of this new political season, my personal opinion is that I am glad to go through it now rather than later. This gives us a chance to identify deficiencies and repair or replace them. If the party and the committee keeps looking forward, all this will eventually be thought of as helpful and useful for moving the party forward.
Embrace the conflict. Learn from it and let's make corrections. Those who continually meander through the deficiencies will only get lost in failure. But by using these times as stepping stones, we can build to new heights. Yes, I know this sounds good. But there is truth here. What we need is vision...a goal...a mission; to keep us focused and moving towards making Maryland a strong state and our communities a safe and healthy and more prosperous place to live.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Battling depression
Many people don't know or realize that I battle deep seated depression. It's plagued me all my life. I've had the fortune of getting professional counseling when I was in High School, but mostly because of my inability to relate to people and to withdraw. I learned a lot of techniques in dealing with people, and became somewhat used to sticking my hand out to greet people. It became a way of fighting or overcoming my fear of people and situations. But I still had these feelings of doubt and low self-esteem. It was actually due to my Tourrettes, which manifested itself a little later on in life. I'll write about how I found out I had TS in some other post. But for now, about battling the demons of depression.
I know I would be susceptible to these extremely low periods in my life. I would try to mask it, and found that I could deal with it as I got busier in life. As I became busier, I wouldn't have time to think or just sit and get this creeping feeling over me. But what I found was that the busier I got,often times, the harder the fall when depression would kick in again.
After studying my family background, I became convinced that my mother's side had/has a chemical imbalance that is hereditary. I have no justification for this belief other than my own observations, conjecture and anecdotal evidence. But for myself, it is enough to believe in and work with.
I read many, many positive thinking books. I got deeper into my faith. But there were still times I felt these feeling of incredible highs and deep lows. Some might call it manic depressive. And the definition of that term surely fits what I was experiencing. But I never went back to counseling, basically because we never could afford it. I never thought there was anything wrong with counseling, because you end up with some great tools, once you can identify your demons.
For me, because I was convinced that there had to be something in our physical makeup, that could only mean a naturally occurring chemical issue. I found that this could be triggered by certain events, or certain "let-down" times, after high stress events or periods. Essentially, my body was using or mis-managing the available chemicals in my body. I decided to get Vitamin therapy. One way I got help was listening to tapes from various Nutrilite distributors and dietitian. What I found really helped me manage the highs and lows of my life. On one of the tapes, I heard the speaker talk about how our bodies will use up much of the vitamin B's in our systems, and that we need to replenish it. Also, Vitamin D was needed. When I started taking Vitamin B Complex, I found that my mood swings weren't as volatile, and I seemed to "even out" in my emotions. Soon I discovered that Vitamin B complex aided me in sleeping, when I took it just before I went to bed. I slept more soundly. And if I ever got too little sleep, taking Vitamin B helped me handle that "hung over" feeling (even tho I wasn't drinking) during the next day or morning.
I know this sounds like one of those infomercials for snake oil, but Vitamin B therapy really worked for me. I talked with my doctor about it and he suggested that I take Vitamin B, made with rice, rather than the chemical equivalency. I took many different vitamins over the years, but found that the best ones for me was always Nutrilite. And second was Nature's Best. I became a Nutrilite distributor which helped cut the costs of these expensive vitamins. But I also found the NB in the super market aisle did a pretty good job too.
As a side note, the garlic tablets from Nutrilite helped keep my cholesterol in check for years and helped clean out my arteries. When I had a catheterization done, the doctor told me he could drive a Mac truck through my veins, they were so clean. He said he hadn't seen many like that.
Just the same, whenever I feel down and depressed to this day, Wendy always asks me if I've taken my B's. And for the most part, I hadn't yet. But with in a short period of time, the Vitamins start kicking in & filling the needs that my body demands. The only odd thing about it, is that my pee is bright yellow from the Vitamin B's. That's about the extent of the side effects.
Vitamins B Complex...it's the way to go to help me stay on an even keel, to sleep soundly and to feel better in the morning after little sleep; when I need to pull only a few hours of sleep.
Another therapy for me has always been a long hug from my wife. I also love hugging other people. I guess I'm just a hugger, if somebody doesn't mind being a huggie! (Not to be confused with throw away diapers!). For some reason, i feel like I get energy from those whom I love and it helps to be in physical contact alot. I have noticed that the longer I go without that contact, the more prone I am to depression outbreaks or panic attacks. When my wife, Wendy, reaches over to comfort me, it helps me relax and I seem to gain a little more control. The only fruistrating thing is that it's not her nature to be that way. So I have to fight this more that I would hope to. I got to figure out how to train her to bemore touchy feelie, if you know what I mean. But after 30 years of marriage, if it hasn't happened by now, I'm not sure that it will. I can only hope. :)
I truly hope this helps anyone who reads this. But I still struggle with depression from time to time. It's just not as severe.
I know I would be susceptible to these extremely low periods in my life. I would try to mask it, and found that I could deal with it as I got busier in life. As I became busier, I wouldn't have time to think or just sit and get this creeping feeling over me. But what I found was that the busier I got,often times, the harder the fall when depression would kick in again.
After studying my family background, I became convinced that my mother's side had/has a chemical imbalance that is hereditary. I have no justification for this belief other than my own observations, conjecture and anecdotal evidence. But for myself, it is enough to believe in and work with.
I read many, many positive thinking books. I got deeper into my faith. But there were still times I felt these feeling of incredible highs and deep lows. Some might call it manic depressive. And the definition of that term surely fits what I was experiencing. But I never went back to counseling, basically because we never could afford it. I never thought there was anything wrong with counseling, because you end up with some great tools, once you can identify your demons.
For me, because I was convinced that there had to be something in our physical makeup, that could only mean a naturally occurring chemical issue. I found that this could be triggered by certain events, or certain "let-down" times, after high stress events or periods. Essentially, my body was using or mis-managing the available chemicals in my body. I decided to get Vitamin therapy. One way I got help was listening to tapes from various Nutrilite distributors and dietitian. What I found really helped me manage the highs and lows of my life. On one of the tapes, I heard the speaker talk about how our bodies will use up much of the vitamin B's in our systems, and that we need to replenish it. Also, Vitamin D was needed. When I started taking Vitamin B Complex, I found that my mood swings weren't as volatile, and I seemed to "even out" in my emotions. Soon I discovered that Vitamin B complex aided me in sleeping, when I took it just before I went to bed. I slept more soundly. And if I ever got too little sleep, taking Vitamin B helped me handle that "hung over" feeling (even tho I wasn't drinking) during the next day or morning.
I know this sounds like one of those infomercials for snake oil, but Vitamin B therapy really worked for me. I talked with my doctor about it and he suggested that I take Vitamin B, made with rice, rather than the chemical equivalency. I took many different vitamins over the years, but found that the best ones for me was always Nutrilite. And second was Nature's Best. I became a Nutrilite distributor which helped cut the costs of these expensive vitamins. But I also found the NB in the super market aisle did a pretty good job too.
As a side note, the garlic tablets from Nutrilite helped keep my cholesterol in check for years and helped clean out my arteries. When I had a catheterization done, the doctor told me he could drive a Mac truck through my veins, they were so clean. He said he hadn't seen many like that.
Just the same, whenever I feel down and depressed to this day, Wendy always asks me if I've taken my B's. And for the most part, I hadn't yet. But with in a short period of time, the Vitamins start kicking in & filling the needs that my body demands. The only odd thing about it, is that my pee is bright yellow from the Vitamin B's. That's about the extent of the side effects.
Vitamins B Complex...it's the way to go to help me stay on an even keel, to sleep soundly and to feel better in the morning after little sleep; when I need to pull only a few hours of sleep.
Another therapy for me has always been a long hug from my wife. I also love hugging other people. I guess I'm just a hugger, if somebody doesn't mind being a huggie! (Not to be confused with throw away diapers!). For some reason, i feel like I get energy from those whom I love and it helps to be in physical contact alot. I have noticed that the longer I go without that contact, the more prone I am to depression outbreaks or panic attacks. When my wife, Wendy, reaches over to comfort me, it helps me relax and I seem to gain a little more control. The only fruistrating thing is that it's not her nature to be that way. So I have to fight this more that I would hope to. I got to figure out how to train her to bemore touchy feelie, if you know what I mean. But after 30 years of marriage, if it hasn't happened by now, I'm not sure that it will. I can only hope. :)
I truly hope this helps anyone who reads this. But I still struggle with depression from time to time. It's just not as severe.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Now that that's out of my system...
Do you ever wish you could eat your words? But it becomes more like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube? Well, my last post was something like that. I'm a little taken back by my own negativity and self pity. But when life makes you look into the mirror, if there aren't instances that can make you humble, then you aren't looking at life through the eyes of reality.
I guess I could say that my life has been full of failures. And quite frankly, I am very thankful for that. I could let it/them freeze me into inactivity, but I continue to move forward, if only at a snail's pace. I have learned every step along the way, and it keeps me vigilant, to a point, of continuing the struggle to stay positive. It's kind of like a compass, where I am motivated to keep pointing in the direction of fulfillment. I may have made a mistake by inviting my old gal, D, to read my blog. I didn't want to embarass her or make her feel put out by the fruits of her and her husband's hard work. And I certainly didn't want her to feel sorry for me. She may even be mad at me. And I could understand that. No one should apologize for reaping the rewards of such long and tedious hours spent on building a business. And certainly, no one should be surprised by the stumbles I have experienced. Both are very common in this great country of ours. I'm just sorry I admitted to doing a little self-comparison. I know full well, that is not a very healthy thing to do. I really am truly grateful, on their behalf to see this sytem work in this country. D and her husband deserve all. And I continue to be a cheerleader for their success.
The one thing I am a little more regretful about is not allowing the word of God to take control of my thoughts during this time of reflection. It made me realize that I need to spend more time in the Word. And study God's principles. I will try to do this better. I can't promise every day. The intentions are there, but I know my history shows other failures to fulfill this wish.
Yes, things are up in the air for me. And I am certainly at a crossroads. It is very tempting to make drastic life changes, especially when you feel that certain elements have gotten you to where you are, and they won't go away or change unless you sttrike them from your life. Certain things are just too precious to do that.
If anything, I need prayers. And I need someone to physically lean on, to hold, to hug and hug back. I pray that those in my life are those who I can rely on.
I will learn from this break down and move forward. The tendencies may still be there, but the movement must be towards the truth and hope.
I guess I could say that my life has been full of failures. And quite frankly, I am very thankful for that. I could let it/them freeze me into inactivity, but I continue to move forward, if only at a snail's pace. I have learned every step along the way, and it keeps me vigilant, to a point, of continuing the struggle to stay positive. It's kind of like a compass, where I am motivated to keep pointing in the direction of fulfillment. I may have made a mistake by inviting my old gal, D, to read my blog. I didn't want to embarass her or make her feel put out by the fruits of her and her husband's hard work. And I certainly didn't want her to feel sorry for me. She may even be mad at me. And I could understand that. No one should apologize for reaping the rewards of such long and tedious hours spent on building a business. And certainly, no one should be surprised by the stumbles I have experienced. Both are very common in this great country of ours. I'm just sorry I admitted to doing a little self-comparison. I know full well, that is not a very healthy thing to do. I really am truly grateful, on their behalf to see this sytem work in this country. D and her husband deserve all. And I continue to be a cheerleader for their success.
The one thing I am a little more regretful about is not allowing the word of God to take control of my thoughts during this time of reflection. It made me realize that I need to spend more time in the Word. And study God's principles. I will try to do this better. I can't promise every day. The intentions are there, but I know my history shows other failures to fulfill this wish.
Yes, things are up in the air for me. And I am certainly at a crossroads. It is very tempting to make drastic life changes, especially when you feel that certain elements have gotten you to where you are, and they won't go away or change unless you sttrike them from your life. Certain things are just too precious to do that.
If anything, I need prayers. And I need someone to physically lean on, to hold, to hug and hug back. I pray that those in my life are those who I can rely on.
I will learn from this break down and move forward. The tendencies may still be there, but the movement must be towards the truth and hope.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Will I ever win?
Alright, it may seem like it's pity party time for me, but I've just gone through a rough weekend of introspection and soul searching. What I found and what I have a tendency to do is compare myself and my successes/failures with others my age. And frankly, I am not happy my myself.
When I got out of school, I went into the travel business, and borrowed money by way of credit cards to fund the operations. When we sold only 7 "beds" out of 700, things went downhill fast. And I folded under threats of lawsuits from police officers whose kids were scheduled to go on the trips we had booked but wanted to cancel. The contract didn't allow for cancellation beyond a certain date and we were way passed that. Just the same, the PO really threatened me if we didn't give him his money back. The problem was, his bed was already booked and paid for. Nothing I could do at that time.
I worked for the telephone company and during my training program, asked the manager of my office who the a**hole was who wouldn't give me time off for my honeymoon. He told me he was that a**hole. That job didn't last long!
I had a few successes in the corporate world, first doubling my salary each year for the first 4 years, working for a finance company, then Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Then somehow, I got in the bad graces of the VP's, coupled with my son's difficult birth where he was administered last rites twice at the hospital. The calls from the hospital came as we were having departmental sales meetings, and pulled me out of these. I lost all focus on my career. And never seemed to get it back until 15 or so years later.
I left BCBSM, when I was alienated by my fellow workers and didn't find a friend to talk to regarding the difficulties I was experiencing at home. I nominated a young guy for an award, as one of the Ten Outstanding Marylanders. He took me to lunch and eventually offered me a position with his company as director of sales. It turns out, he was quite immature and screamed at everyone but me. He even screamed at his mother who never returned to the firm after his outburst. He told his father that I wasn't producing. However, I was covering his backside all the time. I was saving accounts that were in jeopardy of not renewing with us, which took me away from producing new accounts, which was supposed to be my main focus. His father, a state senator, called me into his office and fired me, telling me I couldn't "sell my way out of a paper bag." Crushed, as I was still dealing with issues at home with my disabled son, I did not argue or plead my case. I simply resigned myself instead of sticking up for myself. The company was going through a difficult time shortly thereafter. But one of the last things I did was bring in an account that was later to prove the savior of the business. That company now does in excess of $1 billion in billings, as a result of the spin off of that one account. I never got a nickle from it, and the owner still holds me accountable for a gift/loan of $2500 to fund a new business venture that is next up in my story. He has since "forgiven" the debt, but stipulates that I never paid him back even though I was the one that brought in the one saving account.
I partnered with one of the insurance vendors to provide a service to the insurance brokerage community. It was an enrollment service to help the brokers get deeper into their accounts, offering disability products, paid with pre-tax dollars (savings from 125 plans). After close to two years, one of my other partners calls me into the office to tell me the other partner was gone and had walked off with the entire bank account. He had cleaned us out.
At the time, I had just gotten started in Amway and was doing fairly well. I stopped by my sponsor's house (who was a former NFL player) and broke down, telling him what just took place. I was behind in my mortgage and my car payments, waiting for a large payoff from the sales we had done the month before. And now all that was gone. David (Taylor) asked me what was I doing when I was happiest in life. Perplexed, I answered that when I was putting myself through college, painting houses, things seemed a bit simpler. He told me I needed to get my head through all this and I needed to settle down a bit. He told me he needed his house painted and wrote me a check for $1000 to get started in a couple of days. It was an answer to prayer. And that is how I got started in the painting business.
Throughout this whole time we were building a locally successful Amway business and eventually developed a residual income around $1200/month. No great shakes, but we were proof that it worked. Eventually, all this died out, as we were distracted due to the growth of the painting business.
The painting business successes came and went. It was like a roller coaster ride. One year making $150k, and the next, losing 130K. I was in and out of it several times, starting new ventures and never really settling in on any particular career. Meanwhile the painting biz was just providing some badly needed cash to pay bills. Eventually, after several illnesses sidelined me, I concentrated on the painting business as a career. I joined the PDCA (national trade association) and developed several friends and admired acquaintances. I had a downturn in the business several times over the years and did the following: worked at Sherwin Williams, selling paint in the ghetto (literally taking my life into my own hands, walking up to guys asking if they wanted to start an account at the city store...it was a scary time). Wendy told me she would rather worry about how we were paying our bills, than whether I was going to come home that night from working in my dangerous territory. So I went back into the painting business. I also spent 6-7 months as a sales rep for MAB Paints. The Sales manager was a real trip. Highly ignorant and had the personality of a tar pit.
I became Marketing Director of a small health care firm, that ran out of money due to the threat of the Clinton health care program concept. We had a good idea, but nobody wanted to make commitments due to the uncertainty of the marketplace at the time. So I went back into the painting business.
I always wanted to be in the real estate business, so I went to real estate school and got my license. During that time, my business grew to about $2million per year, in a particularly tough market and I transferred to REMAX. Shortly thereafter, I had a 6 month drought, without any sales and the bills were mounting up. I had had an accident, and a serious heart issue that developed. I was seeing the doctors at Hopkins twice a week. Because it was a seller's market, you had to react quickly to take buyers around on a moment's notice. But because I was preoccpied with my health issues and commitments at the hospital, I wasn't able to participate in working with many buyers. So, I started painting for some of the realtors in the office. And went back into the painting business.
I started to seriously grow the painting business and eventually had my own shop. It was 1000sf, with an office, carpentry shop, screen tables, faux finishing area and classroom. I even had a store room for small supplies that resembled a wall at one of the local stores. I had upto 18 painters at this point, but usually carried 8-12. The economy crashed again, and I was only able to carry 3 guys, most of whom were my most loyal, but also my least productive employees. I eventually closed this shop down. It was a truly sad day when I personally had to take the sign down off the front of the shop. I dabbled, alone in the painting business, but found myself unable to maintain the quality of work I was known for, I was not able to keep up with my own production requirements.
I had the business for sale, but instead worked on an arrangement to consolidate my business with the largest residential painting company around. I also developed a working relationship with a fine organization about an hour away, in Crofton. The Crofton arrangement just didn't work out, and I'm not sure what happened there. I am somewhat suspisciuos that my tourettes was an issue with working with the other sales people there. So, I concentrated on my arrangement with the local painting firm. This arrangement lasted about 1 year and was particularly fun. The economy tanked again, and the leads were reduced to about 10% of what they had been.
I had decided to go back to school to do something that really intrigued me. I had no idea whether I was any good at it, or even if I had a passion for it, but I decidied to go to culinary school since things had quieted down in the economy for the painting business. Meanwhile, some of my old clients wanted me to do some work for them. So,can you guess??? I went back into the painting business. And then was burning the candle at both ends. Running a fulltime painting business during the day and going to school, full time three nights a week. It was exhausting. But fun.
But this time, I tried to build the painting biz with a different set of employees. This didn't work either. This set of employees just were not as reliable, and they were doing extra work for my customers on the side. A BIG no-no. Since my health was in question, I struggled with completing work with incompetent workers, which started to rewrite my reputation.
All the while, I was involved in the PDCA and was elected to serve on the Executive Committee by members of the industry. This was a big step and quite an honor to be recognized as a leader in the industry. But to be truthful, I felt ashamed that my business simply didn't have the success that the other members did. And I really didn't feel worthy to hold that position. My training in the Jaycees, however, had given me the insight and ability to fulfill my duties and develop a strategy to help others. It was a great experience, traveling around the country, meeting some really great people and families.
The combination of finishing my tenure on the PDCA board, running a painting business and going to school was back breaking. The quality of my clients started to slip as I was desperate for work. I began to accept work from the type of people I would avoided in the past. But this time, it came back to bite me. We took 3.5 months to complete a 3week project due to customer issues, weather, supplies, equipment and transportation failures, employee failures, and inability of another contractor to do his work properly. This customer was the absolutely nastiest person I have ever had to deal with under any circumstance. One of my employees wanted to physically harm this customer because of the way she talked to me. I had to physically restrain him from going after her. Two lessons here. 1)Screen your customers and 2)screen your employees!
This customer was the one that took ALL the fun out of my business. Due to a problem with some stained wood, I ended up refunding them the labor portion of the entire job. It left me broken in spirit. Combined with some nasty politics in the PDCA, particularly from a contractor in SC, I lost any passion for the painting business. During my last national convention, one of the contractors who I looked up to and truly admired told me he thought I should close down and just simply get out of the painting business if I wasn't going to be successful in it. This devastated me. And I truly lost heart at that moment. Looking back, I also realized that I never had the support of my wife, except on very RARE and inconsequential times. When I asked her to help me and get involved with the business to help me get a handle on it. She simply did not perform. The realization of her lack of support and encouragement was the clinching nail in the coffin to the business. I had lost hope. I had lost my dreams. I had lost belief in myslef. I had simply lost. It was a very lonely time.
I took the winter off to regroup and concentrate on my culinary studies. I was finding that I didn't have the passion about this like you needed to in order to make a career of it. It was simply another skill I was acquiring. And I had little passion for it. 1/3rd the way through my last semester, I had a skiing accident (broke my femur, and tore my ACL, requiring repair and surgery) that necessitated my quitting school and giving up any hope to continue in the painting business for 1 year.
The recuperation from surgery has been gruelling. I sat for months, working my knee, going to PT, sitting at the computer and getting too active on facebook. I have felt like I've not had a life. I was asked to be the treasurer of a campaign for a guy running for the house of delegates. And I am truly honored by that role. And I was asked to be the Treasurer of the Reagan Republican Club, one of the premier Republican clubs in the state. And for that I am also highly honored. But as for my career. I feel quite unsettled. I do not know what I will do.
I have recently started back up in school. And that, I feel, is a good distraction for the time being. But frankly, I feel like a loser. I had a wonderful time talking with my original girlfriend, someone who I truly admire, and still love. I have been married for 30 years, and she has been married for 25 years. She and her husband had gone through some similar trials as Wendy and I have gone through. But they were in a totally different business. Their business has grown and they have thrived, now reaping the rewards of 20 years of hard work. I am very proud of her and what she has done with her husband. But I can not help but compare what I have, or don't have after 20 years of being self-employed.
I have no savings. I have no value to my business. It is the nature of the industry. The business I had gotten to know competes with other contractors who work on the black market...who aren't legitimate in their operations. The state, now federal, regulations are being stacked against the small contractor, and it is becoming too difficult to re-enter that field. We live in a house owned by my mother-in-law. Granted, we've made incredible improvements to her house to get top dollar for the value when/if we sell it. And the only other asset we have is another house in Parkville, where renters reside.
And I recuperate. It is frustrating to watch others go to work, succeed and flourish, while I am stuck here without any income, other than Wendy's salary, and unable to perform. I long for a good paycheck. I long to succeed. I long to make a difference and provide value to other people. I wish I could get a job to get me back on my feet again. But I know that would be short lived. My tourrettes keep me from holding down a job, as I have become quite disruptive to other people. It is far more advantageous for me to be self-employed...which I love. But the opportunities look like they need to wait until the time is right. In the meantime, I must look into other opportunities...but I still don't know what to do...or in what direction to go.
At times, I don't feel like I have anyone to confide in about this stuff. That's why I'm writing about it here. Perhaps we can figure it out together.
When I got out of school, I went into the travel business, and borrowed money by way of credit cards to fund the operations. When we sold only 7 "beds" out of 700, things went downhill fast. And I folded under threats of lawsuits from police officers whose kids were scheduled to go on the trips we had booked but wanted to cancel. The contract didn't allow for cancellation beyond a certain date and we were way passed that. Just the same, the PO really threatened me if we didn't give him his money back. The problem was, his bed was already booked and paid for. Nothing I could do at that time.
I worked for the telephone company and during my training program, asked the manager of my office who the a**hole was who wouldn't give me time off for my honeymoon. He told me he was that a**hole. That job didn't last long!
I had a few successes in the corporate world, first doubling my salary each year for the first 4 years, working for a finance company, then Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Then somehow, I got in the bad graces of the VP's, coupled with my son's difficult birth where he was administered last rites twice at the hospital. The calls from the hospital came as we were having departmental sales meetings, and pulled me out of these. I lost all focus on my career. And never seemed to get it back until 15 or so years later.
I left BCBSM, when I was alienated by my fellow workers and didn't find a friend to talk to regarding the difficulties I was experiencing at home. I nominated a young guy for an award, as one of the Ten Outstanding Marylanders. He took me to lunch and eventually offered me a position with his company as director of sales. It turns out, he was quite immature and screamed at everyone but me. He even screamed at his mother who never returned to the firm after his outburst. He told his father that I wasn't producing. However, I was covering his backside all the time. I was saving accounts that were in jeopardy of not renewing with us, which took me away from producing new accounts, which was supposed to be my main focus. His father, a state senator, called me into his office and fired me, telling me I couldn't "sell my way out of a paper bag." Crushed, as I was still dealing with issues at home with my disabled son, I did not argue or plead my case. I simply resigned myself instead of sticking up for myself. The company was going through a difficult time shortly thereafter. But one of the last things I did was bring in an account that was later to prove the savior of the business. That company now does in excess of $1 billion in billings, as a result of the spin off of that one account. I never got a nickle from it, and the owner still holds me accountable for a gift/loan of $2500 to fund a new business venture that is next up in my story. He has since "forgiven" the debt, but stipulates that I never paid him back even though I was the one that brought in the one saving account.
I partnered with one of the insurance vendors to provide a service to the insurance brokerage community. It was an enrollment service to help the brokers get deeper into their accounts, offering disability products, paid with pre-tax dollars (savings from 125 plans). After close to two years, one of my other partners calls me into the office to tell me the other partner was gone and had walked off with the entire bank account. He had cleaned us out.
At the time, I had just gotten started in Amway and was doing fairly well. I stopped by my sponsor's house (who was a former NFL player) and broke down, telling him what just took place. I was behind in my mortgage and my car payments, waiting for a large payoff from the sales we had done the month before. And now all that was gone. David (Taylor) asked me what was I doing when I was happiest in life. Perplexed, I answered that when I was putting myself through college, painting houses, things seemed a bit simpler. He told me I needed to get my head through all this and I needed to settle down a bit. He told me he needed his house painted and wrote me a check for $1000 to get started in a couple of days. It was an answer to prayer. And that is how I got started in the painting business.
Throughout this whole time we were building a locally successful Amway business and eventually developed a residual income around $1200/month. No great shakes, but we were proof that it worked. Eventually, all this died out, as we were distracted due to the growth of the painting business.
The painting business successes came and went. It was like a roller coaster ride. One year making $150k, and the next, losing 130K. I was in and out of it several times, starting new ventures and never really settling in on any particular career. Meanwhile the painting biz was just providing some badly needed cash to pay bills. Eventually, after several illnesses sidelined me, I concentrated on the painting business as a career. I joined the PDCA (national trade association) and developed several friends and admired acquaintances. I had a downturn in the business several times over the years and did the following: worked at Sherwin Williams, selling paint in the ghetto (literally taking my life into my own hands, walking up to guys asking if they wanted to start an account at the city store...it was a scary time). Wendy told me she would rather worry about how we were paying our bills, than whether I was going to come home that night from working in my dangerous territory. So I went back into the painting business. I also spent 6-7 months as a sales rep for MAB Paints. The Sales manager was a real trip. Highly ignorant and had the personality of a tar pit.
I became Marketing Director of a small health care firm, that ran out of money due to the threat of the Clinton health care program concept. We had a good idea, but nobody wanted to make commitments due to the uncertainty of the marketplace at the time. So I went back into the painting business.
I always wanted to be in the real estate business, so I went to real estate school and got my license. During that time, my business grew to about $2million per year, in a particularly tough market and I transferred to REMAX. Shortly thereafter, I had a 6 month drought, without any sales and the bills were mounting up. I had had an accident, and a serious heart issue that developed. I was seeing the doctors at Hopkins twice a week. Because it was a seller's market, you had to react quickly to take buyers around on a moment's notice. But because I was preoccpied with my health issues and commitments at the hospital, I wasn't able to participate in working with many buyers. So, I started painting for some of the realtors in the office. And went back into the painting business.
I started to seriously grow the painting business and eventually had my own shop. It was 1000sf, with an office, carpentry shop, screen tables, faux finishing area and classroom. I even had a store room for small supplies that resembled a wall at one of the local stores. I had upto 18 painters at this point, but usually carried 8-12. The economy crashed again, and I was only able to carry 3 guys, most of whom were my most loyal, but also my least productive employees. I eventually closed this shop down. It was a truly sad day when I personally had to take the sign down off the front of the shop. I dabbled, alone in the painting business, but found myself unable to maintain the quality of work I was known for, I was not able to keep up with my own production requirements.
I had the business for sale, but instead worked on an arrangement to consolidate my business with the largest residential painting company around. I also developed a working relationship with a fine organization about an hour away, in Crofton. The Crofton arrangement just didn't work out, and I'm not sure what happened there. I am somewhat suspisciuos that my tourettes was an issue with working with the other sales people there. So, I concentrated on my arrangement with the local painting firm. This arrangement lasted about 1 year and was particularly fun. The economy tanked again, and the leads were reduced to about 10% of what they had been.
I had decided to go back to school to do something that really intrigued me. I had no idea whether I was any good at it, or even if I had a passion for it, but I decidied to go to culinary school since things had quieted down in the economy for the painting business. Meanwhile, some of my old clients wanted me to do some work for them. So,can you guess??? I went back into the painting business. And then was burning the candle at both ends. Running a fulltime painting business during the day and going to school, full time three nights a week. It was exhausting. But fun.
But this time, I tried to build the painting biz with a different set of employees. This didn't work either. This set of employees just were not as reliable, and they were doing extra work for my customers on the side. A BIG no-no. Since my health was in question, I struggled with completing work with incompetent workers, which started to rewrite my reputation.
All the while, I was involved in the PDCA and was elected to serve on the Executive Committee by members of the industry. This was a big step and quite an honor to be recognized as a leader in the industry. But to be truthful, I felt ashamed that my business simply didn't have the success that the other members did. And I really didn't feel worthy to hold that position. My training in the Jaycees, however, had given me the insight and ability to fulfill my duties and develop a strategy to help others. It was a great experience, traveling around the country, meeting some really great people and families.
The combination of finishing my tenure on the PDCA board, running a painting business and going to school was back breaking. The quality of my clients started to slip as I was desperate for work. I began to accept work from the type of people I would avoided in the past. But this time, it came back to bite me. We took 3.5 months to complete a 3week project due to customer issues, weather, supplies, equipment and transportation failures, employee failures, and inability of another contractor to do his work properly. This customer was the absolutely nastiest person I have ever had to deal with under any circumstance. One of my employees wanted to physically harm this customer because of the way she talked to me. I had to physically restrain him from going after her. Two lessons here. 1)Screen your customers and 2)screen your employees!
This customer was the one that took ALL the fun out of my business. Due to a problem with some stained wood, I ended up refunding them the labor portion of the entire job. It left me broken in spirit. Combined with some nasty politics in the PDCA, particularly from a contractor in SC, I lost any passion for the painting business. During my last national convention, one of the contractors who I looked up to and truly admired told me he thought I should close down and just simply get out of the painting business if I wasn't going to be successful in it. This devastated me. And I truly lost heart at that moment. Looking back, I also realized that I never had the support of my wife, except on very RARE and inconsequential times. When I asked her to help me and get involved with the business to help me get a handle on it. She simply did not perform. The realization of her lack of support and encouragement was the clinching nail in the coffin to the business. I had lost hope. I had lost my dreams. I had lost belief in myslef. I had simply lost. It was a very lonely time.
I took the winter off to regroup and concentrate on my culinary studies. I was finding that I didn't have the passion about this like you needed to in order to make a career of it. It was simply another skill I was acquiring. And I had little passion for it. 1/3rd the way through my last semester, I had a skiing accident (broke my femur, and tore my ACL, requiring repair and surgery) that necessitated my quitting school and giving up any hope to continue in the painting business for 1 year.
The recuperation from surgery has been gruelling. I sat for months, working my knee, going to PT, sitting at the computer and getting too active on facebook. I have felt like I've not had a life. I was asked to be the treasurer of a campaign for a guy running for the house of delegates. And I am truly honored by that role. And I was asked to be the Treasurer of the Reagan Republican Club, one of the premier Republican clubs in the state. And for that I am also highly honored. But as for my career. I feel quite unsettled. I do not know what I will do.
I have recently started back up in school. And that, I feel, is a good distraction for the time being. But frankly, I feel like a loser. I had a wonderful time talking with my original girlfriend, someone who I truly admire, and still love. I have been married for 30 years, and she has been married for 25 years. She and her husband had gone through some similar trials as Wendy and I have gone through. But they were in a totally different business. Their business has grown and they have thrived, now reaping the rewards of 20 years of hard work. I am very proud of her and what she has done with her husband. But I can not help but compare what I have, or don't have after 20 years of being self-employed.
I have no savings. I have no value to my business. It is the nature of the industry. The business I had gotten to know competes with other contractors who work on the black market...who aren't legitimate in their operations. The state, now federal, regulations are being stacked against the small contractor, and it is becoming too difficult to re-enter that field. We live in a house owned by my mother-in-law. Granted, we've made incredible improvements to her house to get top dollar for the value when/if we sell it. And the only other asset we have is another house in Parkville, where renters reside.
And I recuperate. It is frustrating to watch others go to work, succeed and flourish, while I am stuck here without any income, other than Wendy's salary, and unable to perform. I long for a good paycheck. I long to succeed. I long to make a difference and provide value to other people. I wish I could get a job to get me back on my feet again. But I know that would be short lived. My tourrettes keep me from holding down a job, as I have become quite disruptive to other people. It is far more advantageous for me to be self-employed...which I love. But the opportunities look like they need to wait until the time is right. In the meantime, I must look into other opportunities...but I still don't know what to do...or in what direction to go.
At times, I don't feel like I have anyone to confide in about this stuff. That's why I'm writing about it here. Perhaps we can figure it out together.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I remember...
where I was,
at that moment,
on that morning,
on that day;
the sunshine,
the smell in the air,
the radio station I was listening to,
what I was doing when I first heard,
the address,
the pictures on the TV,
the tears,
the fear,
the crying,
the sobbing,
the thinking of family,
of friends, long since seperated from;
the fire, the explosion, the planes;
the people running,
jumping,
coughing,
with hands and cloths over their faces, trying to breath;
the crowds, running,
looking over their shoulders
as the cloud of dust rolls through and over the maze of buildings,
approaching like a wild hungry beast;
the surreal feeling that overtook me as I watched a building collapse,
then another;
thinking, was this a movie? Was this real?
the realization that someone did this,
that someone hated us,
that someone wanted us destroyed;
turning to God, asking for answers,
seeking purpose;
gluing my eyes to the TV
looking for more;
looking next to me as that person was seeing the same thing, experiencing the same feelings, seeking the same answers;
having a common experience with my neighbors, and all I came into contact with;
thinking about my family
my old neighbors,
my old classmates and their families,
asking, were any of them victims in this?
going to church, and the crowds
trying to heal or be healed;
a sense of resolve,
a weird sense of pride in
being an American;
the firemen running, racing,
the police staring up, looking for those to help, trying to make sense;
those who innocently lost,
who fought,
who tried to save;
men in baggy yellow pants, with
wide suspenders,
digging with buckets, looking for people,
the rubble;
the dust;
the steel beams;
the sadness,
the grief,
the pain,
the struggle to heal, to make sense;
9/12.
It's not that I won't forget, it is that I remember...
at that moment,
on that morning,
on that day;
the sunshine,
the smell in the air,
the radio station I was listening to,
what I was doing when I first heard,
the address,
the pictures on the TV,
the tears,
the fear,
the crying,
the sobbing,
the thinking of family,
of friends, long since seperated from;
the fire, the explosion, the planes;
the people running,
jumping,
coughing,
with hands and cloths over their faces, trying to breath;
the crowds, running,
looking over their shoulders
as the cloud of dust rolls through and over the maze of buildings,
approaching like a wild hungry beast;
the surreal feeling that overtook me as I watched a building collapse,
then another;
thinking, was this a movie? Was this real?
the realization that someone did this,
that someone hated us,
that someone wanted us destroyed;
turning to God, asking for answers,
seeking purpose;
gluing my eyes to the TV
looking for more;
looking next to me as that person was seeing the same thing, experiencing the same feelings, seeking the same answers;
having a common experience with my neighbors, and all I came into contact with;
thinking about my family
my old neighbors,
my old classmates and their families,
asking, were any of them victims in this?
going to church, and the crowds
trying to heal or be healed;
a sense of resolve,
a weird sense of pride in
being an American;
the firemen running, racing,
the police staring up, looking for those to help, trying to make sense;
those who innocently lost,
who fought,
who tried to save;
men in baggy yellow pants, with
wide suspenders,
digging with buckets, looking for people,
the rubble;
the dust;
the steel beams;
the sadness,
the grief,
the pain,
the struggle to heal, to make sense;
9/12.
It's not that I won't forget, it is that I remember...
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Pine Log President's article
Below is a copy of my article as president of our local community association. I received several cudos for a well written article from a few neighbors.
By now, you should have received a community directory, courtesy of the Board of Governors. This year, the BOG wanted all community members to receive a directory. Previously, only dues paying PVVWCA members received the annual publication. The Board would like to thank all of you who responded by re-joining the association. In addition, thanks to all of you who also came by the dumpster day and renewed your membership. As a reminder, the by-laws require that membership be renewed every October through September, and that dues can not be prorated if late.
In my dues reminder letter, I wrote that the PVVWCA is more than a children’s Fourth of July Parade, a Halloween Parade or Christmas Party and dumpsters for spring clean outs. We are a very active neighborhood association, with many community activists and community and business leaders who live here. We have testified at community hearings, attended other community meetings and have aggressively pursued relationships with our elected officials to ensure a higher quality of life for our neighborhood. But there is more to be done.
In attending GTCC (Greater Timonium Community Council…made up of 50+ other neighborhood associations like ours), we have found that there is a disjointing of the Timonium community that occurred at the last legislative redistricting. Essentially, our beloved Timonium is split between two legislative districts, which occurred due to political malfeasance. In trying to research some issues, I had to talk to our representatives in the House of Delegates in district 11. One of them wasn’t even initially aware that they represented our neighborhood! The rest of Timonium is in Legislative District 42. I bring this up because during the next gubernatorial “reign”, redistricting of legislative district is due to occur. Although, as officers of the PVVWCA, we are prohibited by our by-laws from endorsing candidates or parties, the person in the Governor’s Mansion will determine these districts. It is important to realize this during the process of your voting decision. We have begun to voice our concern that we want to be unified with the rest of the Timonium communities, as we have very few property, zoning and representative issues in common with Owings Mills, Greenspring Valley and Pikesville.
In addition, we have become largely dissatisfied with responses and results of our conversations with any of the current members of the County Council. I personally believe that a complete overhaul and a better balance (between parties) of the County Council is in order, given our experience during the CZMP process that occurred in 2008. Concerns over the rezoning of the Fairgrounds essentially went on deaf ears. This can be a huge issue in the future of property values and quality of life for our community, and I feel it is my duty to provide you with this information and insight. Please also be aware that councilmatic redistricting may also take place, based on the balance of the parties on a new County Council. Please let your friends around the county know this, as it could affect additional zoning issues in the future. Zoning issues essentially affect YOUR property values and quality of life. For the record, we are in Council District 3.
Schools will soon be out and vacations will be on many people’s minds. With burglaries up in the Lutherville area (fortunately not our community), please be vigilant and proactive in preventing and discouraging crime. The Police tell us that unlocked windows and doors are the main entry points for break-ins and house robberies. So keep them locked. Use light timers in the house and have one of your trusted neighbors check in on your home if you will be away for any length of time. Let your neighbor know you will be away so they can keep an extra eye on your property. Please be mindful of unusual activity in the neighborhood, and verify anyone that tells you they are doing home improvement work at your neighbor’s home. That’s just another reason why we all need to stay away from unlicensed contractors and only deal with legitimate, MHIC licensed ones. MHIC licensed
contractors are required to have their vehicles lettered with their license number on them. Question or report them if the vehicles are missing the MHIC numbers.
Living at the entrance to our community, I get to witness a few things that cause me to reflect on the safety of our neighbors. First, I’ve seen and heard several ambulances and fire engines as they travel down Pine Valley Dr and I say a small prayer for the well being of a neighbor. I think of the neighbors who have spent decades here, caring for their families and their homes. I think of those who have retired, those who have moved on and those who have moved in. The ambulances remind me that there are things of far greater value than property values, zoning codes, neighbor disputes, dumpster days and adherence to community covenants. Accidents have happened, spouses, family members and friends have had medical emergencies, and sadly, some have lost their loved ones. The ambulances remind me of the great services we have as residents of this wonderful community; of its close proximity to hospitals, doctors, pharmacies, well constructed roads and highways. Life long friendships, that can potentially span generations, also come to mind. We live in a special neighborhood, with nice people and (hopefully) good neighbors.
I’ve been given advice on developing friends from a mentor who has since passed on. Please allow me tweak it a bit as it relates to being neighborly. “If you want good neighbors, be one yourself, first.”
Be sure to say Hi to your neighbors!
Ken Anderson
President, PVVWCA 2009-2011
By now, you should have received a community directory, courtesy of the Board of Governors. This year, the BOG wanted all community members to receive a directory. Previously, only dues paying PVVWCA members received the annual publication. The Board would like to thank all of you who responded by re-joining the association. In addition, thanks to all of you who also came by the dumpster day and renewed your membership. As a reminder, the by-laws require that membership be renewed every October through September, and that dues can not be prorated if late.
In my dues reminder letter, I wrote that the PVVWCA is more than a children’s Fourth of July Parade, a Halloween Parade or Christmas Party and dumpsters for spring clean outs. We are a very active neighborhood association, with many community activists and community and business leaders who live here. We have testified at community hearings, attended other community meetings and have aggressively pursued relationships with our elected officials to ensure a higher quality of life for our neighborhood. But there is more to be done.
In attending GTCC (Greater Timonium Community Council…made up of 50+ other neighborhood associations like ours), we have found that there is a disjointing of the Timonium community that occurred at the last legislative redistricting. Essentially, our beloved Timonium is split between two legislative districts, which occurred due to political malfeasance. In trying to research some issues, I had to talk to our representatives in the House of Delegates in district 11. One of them wasn’t even initially aware that they represented our neighborhood! The rest of Timonium is in Legislative District 42. I bring this up because during the next gubernatorial “reign”, redistricting of legislative district is due to occur. Although, as officers of the PVVWCA, we are prohibited by our by-laws from endorsing candidates or parties, the person in the Governor’s Mansion will determine these districts. It is important to realize this during the process of your voting decision. We have begun to voice our concern that we want to be unified with the rest of the Timonium communities, as we have very few property, zoning and representative issues in common with Owings Mills, Greenspring Valley and Pikesville.
In addition, we have become largely dissatisfied with responses and results of our conversations with any of the current members of the County Council. I personally believe that a complete overhaul and a better balance (between parties) of the County Council is in order, given our experience during the CZMP process that occurred in 2008. Concerns over the rezoning of the Fairgrounds essentially went on deaf ears. This can be a huge issue in the future of property values and quality of life for our community, and I feel it is my duty to provide you with this information and insight. Please also be aware that councilmatic redistricting may also take place, based on the balance of the parties on a new County Council. Please let your friends around the county know this, as it could affect additional zoning issues in the future. Zoning issues essentially affect YOUR property values and quality of life. For the record, we are in Council District 3.
Schools will soon be out and vacations will be on many people’s minds. With burglaries up in the Lutherville area (fortunately not our community), please be vigilant and proactive in preventing and discouraging crime. The Police tell us that unlocked windows and doors are the main entry points for break-ins and house robberies. So keep them locked. Use light timers in the house and have one of your trusted neighbors check in on your home if you will be away for any length of time. Let your neighbor know you will be away so they can keep an extra eye on your property. Please be mindful of unusual activity in the neighborhood, and verify anyone that tells you they are doing home improvement work at your neighbor’s home. That’s just another reason why we all need to stay away from unlicensed contractors and only deal with legitimate, MHIC licensed ones. MHIC licensed
contractors are required to have their vehicles lettered with their license number on them. Question or report them if the vehicles are missing the MHIC numbers.
Living at the entrance to our community, I get to witness a few things that cause me to reflect on the safety of our neighbors. First, I’ve seen and heard several ambulances and fire engines as they travel down Pine Valley Dr and I say a small prayer for the well being of a neighbor. I think of the neighbors who have spent decades here, caring for their families and their homes. I think of those who have retired, those who have moved on and those who have moved in. The ambulances remind me that there are things of far greater value than property values, zoning codes, neighbor disputes, dumpster days and adherence to community covenants. Accidents have happened, spouses, family members and friends have had medical emergencies, and sadly, some have lost their loved ones. The ambulances remind me of the great services we have as residents of this wonderful community; of its close proximity to hospitals, doctors, pharmacies, well constructed roads and highways. Life long friendships, that can potentially span generations, also come to mind. We live in a special neighborhood, with nice people and (hopefully) good neighbors.
I’ve been given advice on developing friends from a mentor who has since passed on. Please allow me tweak it a bit as it relates to being neighborly. “If you want good neighbors, be one yourself, first.”
Be sure to say Hi to your neighbors!
Ken Anderson
President, PVVWCA 2009-2011
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thoughts about my Jaycee career
The following is a repost from my Facebook Notes:
Recent news articles and personal and professional experiences have gotten me thinking about the impact the Jaycees have had on my life. It used to be publically honorable and desirable to be in the organization (not that it isn't honorable now, just not as well known). In fact, it was well known that bank execs were often telling their junior execs that if they really want to know how to get a head in the bank and the community, then join the Jaycees. From the Gas & Electric Co to the Telephone Company and the state legislature, the Jaycees were THE PREMIER leadership training organization. I would argue that they still are, if they are taken seriously and the membership grows both numerically and professionally (image wise).
Please allow me to reminisce.
As a Jaycee Chapter President, I took a chapter that had maybe 7-10 people out of 45 coming to meetings and resulted in a 60 member chapter, with 100% retention for the year and 25-30 people coming to meetings and getting involved. My RD, at the time, Ken Rich, was instrumental in encouraging me to continue in my JC career and he made a huge impact on my life as an encourager, as was my District director, Ken Moretz from Havre de Grace.
Later, I took a Region that had been losing ground for 12 years and got it turned around with growth for the first time, being acknowledged as Region Director of the year. I helped start several new chapters and recruited well over150 Jaycees in my career as acknowledged by my plaques and awards (somebody else counted them, not me...). I was up for a national award as one of the top ten Regional Directors in the US. Part of the unwritten rule was those who show up to the national convention get the award, those who don't, won't. At the risk or threat of losing my job for going to the convention, I felt that the award represented the entire region's volunteer work, commitment and efforts for the year, and not just mine. So I went to the convention to represent the work of rejuvenated Jaycees of Baltimore City, Baltimore County, Harford and Cecil County. It turns out that we didn't receive the award and it was a struggle for the US JC Pres to make that decision. But my decision to go cost me my job, if not my career in the insurance business. Do I regret it? No, not on your life. It was one of those difficult, gut wrenching decisions that had to be made. After all, I was representing a large community. This was in the day when almost everything we did as Jaycees was in the local newspapers. It was as if we were assigned our own reporters (I truly think a few reporters were actually members). Many, many thanks to the outstanding District Directors at that time: Dave Bopst, Len Chapel, Steve Einig.
Actually, a different Jaycee decision is the one that cost me my job. My boss was a Maryland State Senator at the time. We had some serious employee issues and a mandatory meeting to go to. Meanwhile I had received an invitation to go to the White House as a guest of Ronald Reagan. I decided to go to Washington DC and forego the company required meeting. At that time, it was unheard of for a 33 yr old to be invited to the WH. It was an experience of a lifetime, and a decision, although fatal for my career, was one I do not regret. I want to thank Jim Warren and Ed Stanley for getting me on that list.
I learned a valuable lesson back then. Region 4 had been worked on for years under the excellent leadership of Ken Rich and Jim France immediately preceeding my year as RD. They worked tirelessly at unifying and encouraging chapters and people in the region. At the first quarter board meeting in my year, all the other regions were kicking our behinds in just about every facet. But Bill, from Reisterstown, started cheering all the other region winners. Soon we began our cheering and eventually became the loudest cheering section for every award with "Hooray for them, Hooray for them..." The next quarter we won our first growth award and we continued to cheer for other region winners. When somebody from our region won an award, we went nutz! By the end of the year, we had significant growth and won "the Cup" for our enthusiasm. I have it to this day. We learned the power of developing unity, strength and energy can start by simply taking your eyes off yourself and cheering for the other person. Thanks for the valuable lesson, Bill.
I grew tremendously during my tenure as a Jaycee. I remember going to a Towson JC meeting and having to stand up and tell people my name. I was scared to death to do this...speak in front of other people! I was 23-24-25 at the time. I borrowed an old seer sucker suit from my father to go to the meetings. It was in the day where everybody at least wore a coat and tie (which I didn't own at the time). I volunteered for projects at the prompting of my friend, John Smyth. And took the direction he gave me as best I could. I was awarded the SPARKPLUG of the year for the Towson JCs, and I didn't even know what it was or how I got it! (Basically, rookie of the year within the chapter...about 200 members at that time). I started and ran an Individual Development project, the Baltimore County Prayer Breakfast, which continued for close to 25 years. And it received a national award. I saw a need in my community, and recognized that the Jaycees had a lot of energy and a systematic approach to running projects, so I approached them about the Prayer Breakfast, and it became a success. The first year, we had 450 people in attendance and drew out former US Senator Danny Brewster as our featured speaker. He told a story about rising to power in the US, then falling from grace, embarrassingly getting drunk and unruly in the White House, and how to live with his past, and seek forgiveness with God.
I had very little confidence in myself those years. It took growing up in the Jaycees for me to gain confidence (some might say cockiness) in myself and my abilities. One of the top recognition awards I received was being one of the Ten Outstanding Young Marylanders of 1988, awarded by the Governor. This organization was a lot of work, but I enjoyed it. I was asked to be the Executive VP under Lou Wanex. I really cherished this role. But I always preached having balance in your life. My youngest son, Danny, was born with Downs Syndrome, a major heart defect and had been in intensive care for 3+ months! I HAD to attend to my family needs and resigned my post as EVP. There were several JCs who either didn't understand or were too gung ho about the organization, that I received bitter criticism for my resignation. And for some odd reason, I was tagged with the label of being a quitter in certain circles. Nobody seemed to remember the accomplishments or the lives we affected during those years. I regret their remembrance of me in this light.
As I immersed myself into my family and career, I began to have one bad career experience after another. It wasn't until I had been painting for a while that I ran into another old JC who was promoting involvement in the PDCA, the Painting and Decorating Contractors of America. I saw him at a booth at a Pro-Show at a Duron Paint store. While everyone was dressed in whites, he was the only one dressed in a coat and tie. Needless to say, he stood out. Mike Miller encouraged me, much like John Smyth, to get involved in the PDCA. But since I had been working out of my family vehicle and was unlicensed, I didn't have the confidence or money to join. I went to a meeting and was introduced to several other contractors. Most of them were commercial contractors. In fact only two other people were residential painting contractors. I found out I was grossly under pricing my services and didn't understand how to develop my price. It took a while, but I researched my expenses and reconfigured my prices to what I really needed as a business. It took me 9 months to finally join, since I didn't have enough money to afford the dues at the time. I learned about business from my friends in the PDCA, while finding the Jaycee influence all around me in the organization. Both Mike Miller (former Md Jaycee EVP) and Bruce Hall (former Md Jaycee State Pres) were in leadership positions and influencing PDCA in ways I understood.
I eventually returned to the Jaycees after finding out that my good friend and school pal, Jim France, was going to be the next Md JC President. I offered him my help and he took me up on it! I had been gone from the organization for several years and there were only a few people left from "my glory days" in the organization. And they were happy to see me back. Jim was the Region Director immediately prior to my RD success, and I must acknowledge that it was he and Ken Rich who set me up for success that year. I felt I owed Jim a lot. He told me he needed someone to become the State Community Development VP. I agreed after some apprehensions that nobody knew me or who I was. Working with Jim was a real pleasure. It was great seeing the old Jaycees and getting back in the swing of things. One thing bothered me, however. And that was the fact that recruiting new members became an embarrassment and nobody seemed to know how to do it. There actually were apologies from one particular former state president for concentrating on membership drives. So membership became almost a dirty phrase and nobody seemed to notice. It seemed like the old Jaycees way had died. And I can almost pin-point it on a few individuals and their ill-forsaken influence.
One of the things I noticed while and when I was outside the world of Jaycees was that the world just didn't notice them as much, nor did they give them as much credence as a leadership training organization. There was a time when I walked into the state house in Annapolis with my daughter's grade school class trip, that the Governor, the Attorney General and several delegates and senators were former Jaycees. In fact it was almost embarrassing as I was walking with my daughter's class to have several of them say hi to me by name. Now, you have to explain to the same group of legislators who the Jaycees are. The current status of the Jaycees as a recognizable force in leadership development is appalling to me. My training tought me to believe, "If it's gonna be, it's up to me." And this particular time, I took it upon myself to promote the Jaycees where ever I went. I thought it curious that not many former Jaycees (those who "rooster out" at the age of 40) ever touted the value of their Jaycee involvement and training. But I was not going to be one of those people. I am proud of the influence the JCs have had on me and my growth and maturity. I have promoted the Jaycees at BNI presentations, Chamber Presentations, PDCA training and speeches I have given through out this country.
Within the PDCA, I went on the eventually become the Sr VP of the PDCA nationally, one of the 5 officers on the Executive Committee, using my Jaycee experience to its fullest. I continued to promote concepts they had in developing leaders, and organizing chapters and promoting involvement. Perhaps these techniques are outdated, but I have continued to promote these Jaycee precepts as workable concepts. I used my Jaycee experience in helping to develop, understand and communicate new by-laws for the PDCA. I used real back-room negotiating techniques and concepts I learned in the Jaycees on getting the by-laws to pass. And I used the speaking techniques learned in the Jaycees to give speeches through out the country, at various council conventions. I also have been able to see, with clear vision, the path that an organization must take to be effective and growing. I have continued to use and actively promote the Jaycees where ever I go.
I have already been down the street from death (not necessarily at its door step) with being on the transplant list for a new heart. And I have, by the grace of God, recovered and gotten off that list through new medical break throughs. I have reflected on my life and seen that although I was a Jaycee from the age of 24-40, I continue to be a Jaycee in spirit, realizing that we must all move on from that organization to have an impact on the rest of the world. To be awarded a JCI Senatorship would be the ultimate honor to hold from the organization I so dearly love and endear myself to. But there is no more Bel Air Jaycee chapter or Region 4 in existence. And while I understand that by admitting the desire of this honor, may, by itself appear to be less than honorable, the deep desire to be one remains. There have been far more people who have far lesser JC accomplishments and continued promotional impact who are JCI Senators; I feel cheap by admitting this. So please forgive me. I remain imperfect, ready for new developments and personal growth.
I am excited that this year, 2009, they are seeing growth in the organization. And I would hope that all other organizations out there would recognize the impact trained Jaycees have. From proper project management skills, to public speaking skills, to community contacts, the Jaycees should be a more recognized organization than they are. I only wish the alumni of the organization would speak up and promote them. I believe they are a factor in the rebuilding of this country and the economy.
I truly wish that I could demand that my kids join the Jaycees for experience, fun and personal growth. My father said that he "grew up" and matured in the Army. I say that I "grew up" and matured in the Jaycees.
Recent news articles and personal and professional experiences have gotten me thinking about the impact the Jaycees have had on my life. It used to be publically honorable and desirable to be in the organization (not that it isn't honorable now, just not as well known). In fact, it was well known that bank execs were often telling their junior execs that if they really want to know how to get a head in the bank and the community, then join the Jaycees. From the Gas & Electric Co to the Telephone Company and the state legislature, the Jaycees were THE PREMIER leadership training organization. I would argue that they still are, if they are taken seriously and the membership grows both numerically and professionally (image wise).
Please allow me to reminisce.
As a Jaycee Chapter President, I took a chapter that had maybe 7-10 people out of 45 coming to meetings and resulted in a 60 member chapter, with 100% retention for the year and 25-30 people coming to meetings and getting involved. My RD, at the time, Ken Rich, was instrumental in encouraging me to continue in my JC career and he made a huge impact on my life as an encourager, as was my District director, Ken Moretz from Havre de Grace.
Later, I took a Region that had been losing ground for 12 years and got it turned around with growth for the first time, being acknowledged as Region Director of the year. I helped start several new chapters and recruited well over150 Jaycees in my career as acknowledged by my plaques and awards (somebody else counted them, not me...). I was up for a national award as one of the top ten Regional Directors in the US. Part of the unwritten rule was those who show up to the national convention get the award, those who don't, won't. At the risk or threat of losing my job for going to the convention, I felt that the award represented the entire region's volunteer work, commitment and efforts for the year, and not just mine. So I went to the convention to represent the work of rejuvenated Jaycees of Baltimore City, Baltimore County, Harford and Cecil County. It turns out that we didn't receive the award and it was a struggle for the US JC Pres to make that decision. But my decision to go cost me my job, if not my career in the insurance business. Do I regret it? No, not on your life. It was one of those difficult, gut wrenching decisions that had to be made. After all, I was representing a large community. This was in the day when almost everything we did as Jaycees was in the local newspapers. It was as if we were assigned our own reporters (I truly think a few reporters were actually members). Many, many thanks to the outstanding District Directors at that time: Dave Bopst, Len Chapel, Steve Einig.
Actually, a different Jaycee decision is the one that cost me my job. My boss was a Maryland State Senator at the time. We had some serious employee issues and a mandatory meeting to go to. Meanwhile I had received an invitation to go to the White House as a guest of Ronald Reagan. I decided to go to Washington DC and forego the company required meeting. At that time, it was unheard of for a 33 yr old to be invited to the WH. It was an experience of a lifetime, and a decision, although fatal for my career, was one I do not regret. I want to thank Jim Warren and Ed Stanley for getting me on that list.
I learned a valuable lesson back then. Region 4 had been worked on for years under the excellent leadership of Ken Rich and Jim France immediately preceeding my year as RD. They worked tirelessly at unifying and encouraging chapters and people in the region. At the first quarter board meeting in my year, all the other regions were kicking our behinds in just about every facet. But Bill, from Reisterstown, started cheering all the other region winners. Soon we began our cheering and eventually became the loudest cheering section for every award with "Hooray for them, Hooray for them..." The next quarter we won our first growth award and we continued to cheer for other region winners. When somebody from our region won an award, we went nutz! By the end of the year, we had significant growth and won "the Cup" for our enthusiasm. I have it to this day. We learned the power of developing unity, strength and energy can start by simply taking your eyes off yourself and cheering for the other person. Thanks for the valuable lesson, Bill.
I grew tremendously during my tenure as a Jaycee. I remember going to a Towson JC meeting and having to stand up and tell people my name. I was scared to death to do this...speak in front of other people! I was 23-24-25 at the time. I borrowed an old seer sucker suit from my father to go to the meetings. It was in the day where everybody at least wore a coat and tie (which I didn't own at the time). I volunteered for projects at the prompting of my friend, John Smyth. And took the direction he gave me as best I could. I was awarded the SPARKPLUG of the year for the Towson JCs, and I didn't even know what it was or how I got it! (Basically, rookie of the year within the chapter...about 200 members at that time). I started and ran an Individual Development project, the Baltimore County Prayer Breakfast, which continued for close to 25 years. And it received a national award. I saw a need in my community, and recognized that the Jaycees had a lot of energy and a systematic approach to running projects, so I approached them about the Prayer Breakfast, and it became a success. The first year, we had 450 people in attendance and drew out former US Senator Danny Brewster as our featured speaker. He told a story about rising to power in the US, then falling from grace, embarrassingly getting drunk and unruly in the White House, and how to live with his past, and seek forgiveness with God.
I had very little confidence in myself those years. It took growing up in the Jaycees for me to gain confidence (some might say cockiness) in myself and my abilities. One of the top recognition awards I received was being one of the Ten Outstanding Young Marylanders of 1988, awarded by the Governor. This organization was a lot of work, but I enjoyed it. I was asked to be the Executive VP under Lou Wanex. I really cherished this role. But I always preached having balance in your life. My youngest son, Danny, was born with Downs Syndrome, a major heart defect and had been in intensive care for 3+ months! I HAD to attend to my family needs and resigned my post as EVP. There were several JCs who either didn't understand or were too gung ho about the organization, that I received bitter criticism for my resignation. And for some odd reason, I was tagged with the label of being a quitter in certain circles. Nobody seemed to remember the accomplishments or the lives we affected during those years. I regret their remembrance of me in this light.
As I immersed myself into my family and career, I began to have one bad career experience after another. It wasn't until I had been painting for a while that I ran into another old JC who was promoting involvement in the PDCA, the Painting and Decorating Contractors of America. I saw him at a booth at a Pro-Show at a Duron Paint store. While everyone was dressed in whites, he was the only one dressed in a coat and tie. Needless to say, he stood out. Mike Miller encouraged me, much like John Smyth, to get involved in the PDCA. But since I had been working out of my family vehicle and was unlicensed, I didn't have the confidence or money to join. I went to a meeting and was introduced to several other contractors. Most of them were commercial contractors. In fact only two other people were residential painting contractors. I found out I was grossly under pricing my services and didn't understand how to develop my price. It took a while, but I researched my expenses and reconfigured my prices to what I really needed as a business. It took me 9 months to finally join, since I didn't have enough money to afford the dues at the time. I learned about business from my friends in the PDCA, while finding the Jaycee influence all around me in the organization. Both Mike Miller (former Md Jaycee EVP) and Bruce Hall (former Md Jaycee State Pres) were in leadership positions and influencing PDCA in ways I understood.
I eventually returned to the Jaycees after finding out that my good friend and school pal, Jim France, was going to be the next Md JC President. I offered him my help and he took me up on it! I had been gone from the organization for several years and there were only a few people left from "my glory days" in the organization. And they were happy to see me back. Jim was the Region Director immediately prior to my RD success, and I must acknowledge that it was he and Ken Rich who set me up for success that year. I felt I owed Jim a lot. He told me he needed someone to become the State Community Development VP. I agreed after some apprehensions that nobody knew me or who I was. Working with Jim was a real pleasure. It was great seeing the old Jaycees and getting back in the swing of things. One thing bothered me, however. And that was the fact that recruiting new members became an embarrassment and nobody seemed to know how to do it. There actually were apologies from one particular former state president for concentrating on membership drives. So membership became almost a dirty phrase and nobody seemed to notice. It seemed like the old Jaycees way had died. And I can almost pin-point it on a few individuals and their ill-forsaken influence.
One of the things I noticed while and when I was outside the world of Jaycees was that the world just didn't notice them as much, nor did they give them as much credence as a leadership training organization. There was a time when I walked into the state house in Annapolis with my daughter's grade school class trip, that the Governor, the Attorney General and several delegates and senators were former Jaycees. In fact it was almost embarrassing as I was walking with my daughter's class to have several of them say hi to me by name. Now, you have to explain to the same group of legislators who the Jaycees are. The current status of the Jaycees as a recognizable force in leadership development is appalling to me. My training tought me to believe, "If it's gonna be, it's up to me." And this particular time, I took it upon myself to promote the Jaycees where ever I went. I thought it curious that not many former Jaycees (those who "rooster out" at the age of 40) ever touted the value of their Jaycee involvement and training. But I was not going to be one of those people. I am proud of the influence the JCs have had on me and my growth and maturity. I have promoted the Jaycees at BNI presentations, Chamber Presentations, PDCA training and speeches I have given through out this country.
Within the PDCA, I went on the eventually become the Sr VP of the PDCA nationally, one of the 5 officers on the Executive Committee, using my Jaycee experience to its fullest. I continued to promote concepts they had in developing leaders, and organizing chapters and promoting involvement. Perhaps these techniques are outdated, but I have continued to promote these Jaycee precepts as workable concepts. I used my Jaycee experience in helping to develop, understand and communicate new by-laws for the PDCA. I used real back-room negotiating techniques and concepts I learned in the Jaycees on getting the by-laws to pass. And I used the speaking techniques learned in the Jaycees to give speeches through out the country, at various council conventions. I also have been able to see, with clear vision, the path that an organization must take to be effective and growing. I have continued to use and actively promote the Jaycees where ever I go.
I have already been down the street from death (not necessarily at its door step) with being on the transplant list for a new heart. And I have, by the grace of God, recovered and gotten off that list through new medical break throughs. I have reflected on my life and seen that although I was a Jaycee from the age of 24-40, I continue to be a Jaycee in spirit, realizing that we must all move on from that organization to have an impact on the rest of the world. To be awarded a JCI Senatorship would be the ultimate honor to hold from the organization I so dearly love and endear myself to. But there is no more Bel Air Jaycee chapter or Region 4 in existence. And while I understand that by admitting the desire of this honor, may, by itself appear to be less than honorable, the deep desire to be one remains. There have been far more people who have far lesser JC accomplishments and continued promotional impact who are JCI Senators; I feel cheap by admitting this. So please forgive me. I remain imperfect, ready for new developments and personal growth.
I am excited that this year, 2009, they are seeing growth in the organization. And I would hope that all other organizations out there would recognize the impact trained Jaycees have. From proper project management skills, to public speaking skills, to community contacts, the Jaycees should be a more recognized organization than they are. I only wish the alumni of the organization would speak up and promote them. I believe they are a factor in the rebuilding of this country and the economy.
I truly wish that I could demand that my kids join the Jaycees for experience, fun and personal growth. My father said that he "grew up" and matured in the Army. I say that I "grew up" and matured in the Jaycees.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Being part of something big gives 'Extreme' volunteers plenty of energy despite little sleep
Here's what I've been working on for the last week. Just recruiting painting contractors to start Thursday night at 10pm through the morning.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Pearl of Africa: July 11th - Kampala Bombing
The Pearl of Africa: July 11th - Kampala Bombing
I pray for the people in Uganda and all those who are there to win hearts to Christ as missionaries.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm tired just thinking about it
Somehow, I got myself into helping out the recruitment of painting contractors for the ABC show, Extreme Home Makeover, being filmed here in Baltimore this week.
I've been on the phone calling contractors to fill a need of another 20-25 painters needed for Monday might between 7pm and 9am, Tuesday. I'm getting a little older and not sure how I can handle this schedule. I recently painted a tavern in Fells Point and did the graveyard shift that that gig. It was brutal and each day cost me a total of three. One to get ready, one during the actual day, and one to recuperate.
Couple this with being Treasurer of a political campaign for Tom Morgan, who is running for Maryland House of Delegates, District 5B;added to being Treasurer of the Reagan Republican Club;
added to being President of the Pine Vally-Valleywood Community Association;
active in Republican circles;
all while recovering from surgery and preparing to re-enter culinary school (this time going during the day from September through December);
all the while trying to redefine my career and do some painting jobs to bring in a little cash.
Also taking care of my mother-in-law, who is close to being bed ridden; and maintaining two houses...
is all a little bit overwhelming when I list it all out.
And sometimes I think I don't have enough to do!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Mobile Grilled Cheese Truck Gains Success in LA - QSR Magazine
I've been looking for a way to get into the food business, given my experience in culinary school. Actually, this is something I would love to do! If I only had the money and backing to get started.
Mobile Grilled Cheese Truck gains success in LA - QSR Magazine
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Apologies aren't over-rated
They are simply Under-used.
Over the last few days, I have witnessed opportunities for apologies to be made.
Just yesterday, I decided to take the first step and apologize to my dad for my outburst. I figured since I had been out of commission for close to 4 months while I recuperate, my thresh-hold for understanding and patience had reached it's limit. Or, I should say collapsed.
It took several days, but to be honest, I was really sorry for the strain this episode took on our relationship. I had often taught that you shouldn't let the sun go down on an argument, especially with the ones you love. It would be appropriate if I took my own advice. Even if a few days late.
I came to the realization that it wasn't important who was right, or who was wrong; who was hurt, or what was said. The important thing that really happened was that the first step towards healing this relationship was made.
It was easier sending an email to him than call. Sometimes, people can get a chance to chew on your words (and preserve them for later digestion) when they are written down. Within a few hours, my dad sent back an email accepting my apology, and apologized himself.
We want to mend the relationship. We want to move forward. We want to encourage each other, even though we might not understand the paths we have taken or chosen.
Life isn't perfect, and neither are we. So why do we keep this impression that other people have to be perfect in the way they treat us, in the way they react to us, or in the way they act? Why are we entitled to make judgments about other people when we are solely responsible for our own actions and attitudes?
You'd think I'd learn this by now, and that I would perfectly practice this concept. After all, I've had plenty of practice.
I have heard some one say that "love is not having to say your sorry." I TOTALLY disagree. And say that LOVE is willing to say you are sorry, regardless of the facts.
Over the last few days, I have witnessed opportunities for apologies to be made.
Just yesterday, I decided to take the first step and apologize to my dad for my outburst. I figured since I had been out of commission for close to 4 months while I recuperate, my thresh-hold for understanding and patience had reached it's limit. Or, I should say collapsed.
It took several days, but to be honest, I was really sorry for the strain this episode took on our relationship. I had often taught that you shouldn't let the sun go down on an argument, especially with the ones you love. It would be appropriate if I took my own advice. Even if a few days late.I came to the realization that it wasn't important who was right, or who was wrong; who was hurt, or what was said. The important thing that really happened was that the first step towards healing this relationship was made.
It was easier sending an email to him than call. Sometimes, people can get a chance to chew on your words (and preserve them for later digestion) when they are written down. Within a few hours, my dad sent back an email accepting my apology, and apologized himself.
We want to mend the relationship. We want to move forward. We want to encourage each other, even though we might not understand the paths we have taken or chosen.
Life isn't perfect, and neither are we. So why do we keep this impression that other people have to be perfect in the way they treat us, in the way they react to us, or in the way they act? Why are we entitled to make judgments about other people when we are solely responsible for our own actions and attitudes?
You'd think I'd learn this by now, and that I would perfectly practice this concept. After all, I've had plenty of practice.
I have heard some one say that "love is not having to say your sorry." I TOTALLY disagree. And say that LOVE is willing to say you are sorry, regardless of the facts.
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